I would like a Grand Vitara now pls

May 3, 2017August 1, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One of the better things I’ve seen in my life recently: Proud owner of a 1996 Suzuki Grand Vitara makes the most epic commercial for the sale of his car in the history of mankind

Among the things in our lives that my brother and I still reference to our very old ages is the phrase “standard;” used ironically to describe things that aren’t impressive but we try to make it sound such anyway. It all derived from this parody of a Dodge Aries commercial we saw back in like, 1999, that we still chuckle about today.

Figure that back in 1999, they were spoofing a car back from 1988, and we come to present day, and now there’s an epic commercial for a car that is apparently from, 1996. Obviously, technology has changed a good deal since then, and no such capabilities are left out of this amazing digital love letter to the Suzuki Grand Vitara.

The amazing thing about the video is that it starts off modestly, and much like the Aries commercial, the overinflation of the basic features, presented ironically as if they were spaceship technologies. But throughout the escalation of epicness, I felt that it never really peaks and simply continues to get better without ever declining.

Seriously, from running away from T-Rex, chasing the War Rig, to somehow ending up on the surface of the moon, it just gets more and more outrageously funny, before it doubles me over with the Back to the Future reappearance in the end before the unfortunate end to such a grand masterpiece.

Regardless, as a whole, this video is one of the better things I’ve seen lately. It’s ironic, it’s well made and above all, it’s hilarious. Kudos to the guy who made it, and I imagine anyone who watches this would want a 20-year old Grand Vitara themselves now as well. I certainly do.

It looks like Darth Maul had sex with a stormtrooper

April 26, 2017July 31, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Debuting in America twenty years too late: Introducing for the first time in America, the Honda Civic . . . TYPE-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I almost said ten years when I really meant to say that I would’ve been really excited about this news twenty years ago, but honestly, I’d probably have been more excited when I was 25 too. God damn I’m fucking old now.

But regardless of my age, for all intents and purposes, the Civic Type-R is finally coming to America. 17-22-year old me would be ecstatic about this news, and swear to somehow manage to save enough money to be able to get one but ultimately fail miserably when other life priorities emerge. 25-year old me might consider this as a hard want, but eventually deduce that it would be a fiscally irresponsible decision and stick with their completely paid-off car until it eventually died.

And 35-year old me simply brogs about it, injecting wit, snark and saracasm that I think appeals to way more people than it probably actually does. All six of them. Well, zero, considering my site’s been down for over a year now. Whatever, I’ve never stopped writing, even to a non-audience.

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Their URL says it all

April 17, 2017July 31, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

ITSMARTA(.com)!!!!!!

You heard it here first. MARTA is behind all of this shit. The collapse of I-85. The chemical spill that crippled the Connector. The seismic buckling of I-20. It’s MARTA!

Coincidentally, MARTA riders would avoid the entirety of the chemical spill, as well as the smoldering remains of I-85. Coincidentally anyone traveling westbound of I-20 would avoid the giant fisting the road decided to give motorists, if they rode MARTA from Indian Creek station into the city instead of driving.

It just seems a little too coincidental that all these highway maladies are occurring in areas where MARTA would make too much of a logical alternative.

Keith Parker is a diabolical son of a bitch, but this guy right here is one step ahead of you at seeing through your transparent guerilla methods of trying to force increased ridership. Apps, slogans and “riding with respect” only got so much faith back into MARTA, but once he hit the wall, he’s been forced to bring out the big guns. Literally, by destroying strategic parts of the Metro Atlanta highway system, and then conveniently waiting in the wings to provide this alternative means of transportation, behind his friendly demeanor and sharply dressed image.

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This is what we call a disaster waiting to happen

April 13, 2017September 23, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Incentives to rush usually equals incentives for shit work: Georgia Department of Transportation offers up to a $3.1 million dollar bonus to the company responsible for repairing I-85, if they can finish everything up before Memorial Day

Look, I’m all about getting I-85 up and running as quickly as possible. And my bad on the part of previously saying that it wasn’t going to be done until Thanksgiving, because clearly I tuned out for a little bit and missed where they thought they would get it done by June 15th instead. Whatever though, it’s not the weekend like the sinkhole was fixed in Japan, so it’s still taking way too fucking long to fix something that should really be fixed even faster than a target date of Memorial Day weekend.

And it’s obvious why Georgia wants I-85 fixed before May 25th, because that’s Memorial Day weekend, one of the heaviest loads of expected traffic all across the nation. Surely, the loss of I-85 is going to be extremely taxing to I-285 on both sides as people would be forced to use those roads instead of the straight shot through the city itself, which then has a trickle effect on I-20, as well as I-75. Ironically, those actually in the city of Atlanta itself would probably benefit the most, from prepared drivers not utilizing city proper streets.

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The new and unfortunate normal

April 2, 2017July 31, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

A major and historical in the worst kind of way thing happened in Atlanta this past week, when an entire block of I-85, well, broke. A massive fire started underneath the bridge portion of I-85, and for whatever unfortunate reasons, the joints holding up a chunk of the interstate, basically fell off, leaving a sizable and impassable hole in the bridge, severing the stretch of highway that connects Montgomery, Alabama all the way to Richmond, Virginia, going northbound.

The fallout is fairly substantial, and the repercussions of having an impassable chasm are massive. Anyone going northbound in, or through Atlanta will now have to reroute on either I-75 or just taking I-285 around the city. GA-400 isn’t accessible going north anymore, because the hole is quite literally right before the exit to 400 North.

Sure, I’ve made plenty of jokes about how the hole basically reminds me of the bridge jump from Speed, or how the fires were basically when Tyrion Lannister used wildfire to blow shit up, and the internet has once again made a mockery of Atlanta and it’s apparent penchant for stupid shit like this. Fortunately, nobody was hurt and there were no casualties aside from thousands of pissed off commuters, otherwise such might be in bad taste. However, the reality of the situation is that this is going to be a massive and inconveniencing situation for all of Atlanta, and those who need to pass through Atlanta.

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I AM THE 18 PERCENT

January 17, 2017July 29, 2020 ~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

My car will probably never get stolen: report back from late 2016 reveals that 18 percent of U.S. drivers know how to drive a stick shift

One thing that I’m proud of, and am kind of a hipster about is the fact that I can and I do drive a manual transmission car. I like knowing that I possess a skill that is rapidly becoming forgotten and that I can drive a stick well enough to where I can boast that I’ve never once had to replace a clutch ever, even after nearly 400,000 miles between my last three cars, all of which were stick shifts. Not to mention it just feels cooler to be driving while utilizing pretty much your whole body, between wheel, shift, clutch and gas.

But the fact that the dying art of the stick shift is resulting in the gradual reduction of manufacturing of manual transmission cars to the point where only 5% of vehicles even come with an available stick shift is a truly sad one. Sure, I know the technological differences between sticks and autos have not only diminished but in some cases been surpassed by some makers’ easy-mode cars, but I still like, and have little regrets of owning stick after stick, regardless of how hard it’s been to continue on with choosing to do so.

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