Tag: cashmoney

Dad Brog (#125): a great idea to help reduce spreading sickness

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I was driving home from the pediatrician with #1 having a meltdown, which was a continuation of the meltdown from the process of getting ready to go to the pediatrician just 45 minutes prior, and unsurprisingly, I was feeling pretty sour.  Both my kids are currently sick going into the Thanksgiving holiday, and once again I’m imagining nuclear shits for the parents of the kids that got my kids sick, and annoyed with everyone who tries to tell me that that’s just the way things are and I shouldn’t get so worked up over it.

Today was a follow-up appointment from two days ago, since #1’s sickness seemed a little worse, and she had to not only go on meds obviously, but this time, we were sent home with a nebulizer, because it was that much worse than the ordinary cold this time around.  Thankfully it wasn’t COVID or RSV, but it’s still unknown to why she’s got a wheeze in her chest that kept her from getting much sleep the night prior. 

Either way, I was a bit furrowed in the brow when I was told that it was another $35 copay for the follow-up, but obviously American healthcare is basically the worst ATM in existence, but we were literally there for five minutes in the exam room.  #1’s weight was taken, blood pressure and oxygen levels measured.  A stethoscope to the chest for 90 seconds, and then we were done and out the door; but a follow-up in a week was requested, which means that’ll be another $35 copay for probably another five minutes to tell us that things are continuing on the mend.

So I’m driving home, and I’m thinking how great it would be if the parents who sent the kids who got my kids sick and started this whole debacle would have to be on the hook for the ~$140 in doctor visits and meds that I’ve shelled out, and then it brought me joy imagining if that really were something that were possible: accurate responsibility of spreading families to be held accountable for the expenditures of the families of people they got sick.

I’m sure that would change American attitudes about going into work sick, sending sick kids into schools, and wearing masks in public when things aren’t fully healthy.  Like a parent sends Little Jimmy into school, knowing they’ve got a cough and snotty nose.  And then 10 days later, they get an invoice in the mail saying they’re on the hook for a co-pay and meds for Little Sally, who’s in Little Jimmy’s class and sits next to them in the classroom.  Or Karen goes to Target while she is hacking and sneezing but doesn’t mask.  And then a week later, thanks to facial recognition, they’re identified and sent an invoice for the medical expenses of the rando that was in the aisle with them looking for OTC medication that now has the flu.

Obviously, none of this is really possible due to incubation periods of viruses and the extreme big brother-ing necessary to pinpoint transmission possibilities, but if it were, and people were to be held accountable for their poor decision when it comes to dealing with the sicknesses of themselves or their offspring, I’m sure people would be way quicker to pull the trigger in using that sick time or keeping their kids at home to reduce the possibility of transmission, and society as a whole benefits from the reduction of spreading of nuisance illnesses.

But wouldn’t I feel some consolation satisfaction at knowing that the deadbeat parents that sent their sick kid to school who got my kid sick and brought the plague into my household, had to pay my medical bills.  The thought of it, even as impossible as it may be, would bring me great joy, if it were.

If Ohtani ends up on the Braves, I will shave my balls

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One of the big narratives this baseball offseason is, where will Shohei Ohtani go???  He’s basically the best player in the game right now and an unrestricted free agent, so the sky is the limit to where he’s going to go and for how much.  For months, people have been throwing around price tags of $500M for like 15 years in order to secure him, and ordinarily every time I hear such absurd numbers, I always think, sometimes say, that no human being alive in existence is worth that kind of money, but in the case of Ohtani, if there were ever a place to begin the conversation of the value of a person, his name should probably be up there.

However, one of the more obnoxious things that I’ve been seeing in recent days, is the Atlanta Braves’ name being mentioned in the same breath as Shohei Ohtani, as if they have any modicum of a chance at being able to get their hooks into the guy that is so far above Babe Ruth as Babe Ruth was above all of the rest of us in baseball talent.  Spouting all sorts of bullshit rhetoric that Ohtani wants to play for a winner, and seeing as how the Braves have been doing well for themselves over the last few years, Atlanta should not be discounted as a possible destination.  Bullshit claims from anonymously fake sources that Ohtani is “intrigued” by the Braves.

It also doesn’t help that the Braves are currently cleaning house internally, and they just non-tendered and traded a bunch of players to clear them off the 40-man roster, but from the last reports I heard, they’re really only saving like $14M in doing such, and it’s clear that the end game really were the roster spots, with the salary savings being a minute bonus.  Many of the names were recognizable and not just some minor league fodder, but given the circumstances over the last year or two, none of these should be surprising, or seen as that much of a loss.

But make no mistake, there is no fucking chance in hell that the Braves are going to get Ohtani, and I’d be really appreciative if the conversation of such asinine speculation would just stop, because all it’s doing is making a bunch of Braves homers look like idiots in thinking that there’s any iota chance of hell that he’ll suit up for the Braves. 

This isn’t one of those lame attempts to reverse jinx and tempt the fates at trying to control the universe, and have the Braves miraculously secure him in order to make me be a man of my word and shave my balls, I just so genuinely feel strongly that there’s no chance that the Braves will get him, and I just wish people would stop even making the speculation because it just makes everyone doing so, and everyone who gets hope, look dumb.

I would legitimately feel comfortable in betting my house that it’s not going to happen, because even if Ohtani were interested in Atlanta’s strength at getting into the postseason, there’s no way the Braves would be even close to meeting his financial demands.  Ohtani is likely going to want $500M, and due to the unending escalation of player salaries, will command $500M, and the Braves are going to haggle and be all Braves-ey and ask him to drop down to $295M for 13 years, and try to sell him on the chances of World Series glory at a discount, and then Ohtani is going to be insulted and annoyed that he wasted his time even entertaining the thought of coming to Atlanta.

Then he’ll end up signing with the Dodgers or the Phillies because those are the only two teams anyone seems to want to go to anymore, and worse off, he won’t forget the disrespect from the Braves, and use it as fuel to crush Atlanta whenever they play against each other in the regular season, and then when the Braves inevitably meet up with whatever team Ohtani ends up on in the NLDS, Ohtani will throw a post-season no-hitter against them while clubbing 3 HR and driving in 8 RBI en route to an NLDS MVP* and helping with yet another NLDS exit for the Braves.

*for the record I know that there’s no such thing as an NLDS MVP award but I’m just flexing my baseball humor for the time where some pitcher on the Cardinals had a clause in his contract for a bonus for winning NLDS MVP

Plus the Braves haven’t exactly had a stellar history when it comes to accommodating Asian baseball players.  Jung Bong was basically an ace in Korea, and barely amounted to a fourth starter for the Braves.  Chien-Ming Wang, the greatest Taiwanese pitcher of all time, decided that he’d rather go play indy ball than play for the Gwinnett Braves when he was trying to return from injury.  And then there was fellow Japanese pitcher Kenshin Kawakami, who is probably texting Ohtani telling him to stay the fuck away from Atlanta, if he has his number or any means of getting in contact with him.

Instead, the Braves will bring in some 2 or 3-tier starting pitchers at economical contracts, that will be expected to overperform, bounce back, or be veteran leaders for the next wave of Mike Sorokas, Kyle Wrights, Braden Shewmakes and other promising young starting pitchers that will ultimately be unloaded for relievers later on, and even if they play well during the regular season, they’ll be too old and tired or injured by the time October rolls around.

For real though, can we all just stop with the embarrassment of speculating Ohtani to the Braves?  It’s not going to happen, and everyone who gives into hoping that it will is just setting themselves up for as much disappointment as whenever the Braves make the playoffs and people think they’ll actually get out of the NLDS.  I ain’t having anymore kids, so it’s never going to happen again, and the chances of me having to shave my balls is more than likely even less.

Jimbo Fisher: The Bobby Bonilla of College Football

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

When I first heard the rumblings that Texas A&M was planning to axe Jimbo Fisher, I didn’t think much of it.  Just that it must really suck to be Jimbo Fisher and having to hear through the grapevine that your termination was basically coming, and that you just have to sit there waiting for the shoe to drop.  Even more so than the fact that at the time, Texas A&M, while not having a great season, were still 6-4, bowl eligible and in the grand spectrum of the sport, at least more than likely going to have yet another winning season.

Frankly, I’m surprised that Texas A&M is doing such, because Jimbo, in spite of not having won a National Championship for the school, is still a rare breed of good coach, who has been to the top of the mountain before, when he won a natty with Florida State, and for all intents and purposes knows what he’s doing.  The interesting thing is that ATM* hasn’t exactly been a cellar dweller under Jimbo Fisher, which is usually one of the first pre-requisites for firing a coach; under Jimbo, ATM has gone 45-25, and won 9, 8, 9, 8 games before a five-win season a year ago, and as it stands right now, the Aggies probably will finish with seven this year.  But two unsatisfactory years is basically bad luck, injuries, a miss on a recruit or two, but really nothing a fairly successful football program like ATM should worry about.

*what I like to call Texas A&M because their logo’s letter order is literally, “ATM” and it’s also a metaphor to the cash cow that college football is

What it really boils down to is the fact that ATM has higher expectations than much of the rest of CFB, and are tired of hanging out in the middle of the pack and want to make a change for the sake of making change.  The thing is, there’s a vastly higher chance that ATM is going to go through some really dismal years over the next few, possibly miss some bowls (and the payouts that come with participation), and probably would have been better off in terms of wins and losses if they stuck with Jimbo.

But the bigger story is the fact that in firing Jimbo Fisher, ATM is still on the hook for around $77 million dollars of contracted salary, and despite the fact that he won’t be driving the reigns for the program, are very much responsible for paying every single cent.  Unsurprisingly, this is the highest payout in CFB history, and if there’s one thing that never seems to change with my interests, is stories about sports having too much fucking money and doing a whole lot of dumb shit with it.

Long story short, from what I’ve seen, it appears that ATM is taking a page out of MLB and going on an installment plan in order to help spread out the money they owe Jimbo, instead of just plunking down $77M, slapping him on the ass and bidding him adieu.  So until 2031, it looks like ATM will be paying $7.27M every single year to not be coaching ATM.  He gets a lump sum of $19.4 immediately for some reason, I don’t care to know the granular details, but basically starting in 2024 and over the next eight years, he’ll be getting a cool $7.27M for doing absolutely nothing,

This is of course, a similar situation to Bobby Bonilla, the baseball player whose agent somehow transformed $5.9M into nearly $30M, spread out over 25 years, except the fact that it doesn’t appear that Jimbo’s agent negotiated any variables for inflation or interest.  But who’s to say that within the next eight years, ATM gets sick of how much cash they’re literally throwing away, and renegotiate something that does encroach more similarly to Bobby Bo territory, but that’ll be another post for if it ever occurs.

But given the sheer dollar amount and the breakdown of daily intake, Jimbo Fisher is not only the Bobby Bonilla of CFB, he’s actually making out way bigger than Bobby Bonilla ever did.  $77M is greater than $30M, and whereas Bobby Bo is basically making $3k a day for existing, Jimbo Fisher will be making roughly $28k every single day until the end of 2031, merely for existing.

Chalk this up as another reason why sports are so (ironically) great, and just how much needless money is dumped into these industries to where programs can literally set millions and millions of dollars on fire and suffer absolutely no consequences in the process.  Whereas I couldn’t have given any lesser number of shits about Texas A&M in the past, just due to this failure of a scenario, I kind of feel like I need to root against them, and whomever is Jimbo’s successor, just so I can imagine a guy I gave no turds about in the past, laughing in front of a television while the Aggies get rolled around in the basement of the SEC for years to come.

Every now and then, China gets it right

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

America could use these: China employs a suction-cup device that sticks to cars that implements fines for poor parking, and increases the fine based on how long it takes to pay the fine, fully aware of the societal embarrassment to violators

As the subject says, every now and then, China does manage to get it right.  In this case, they actually created something somewhat original in concept, and is something that I think more places than just China would benefit from.

Obviously, there’s no shortage of shit drivers all over America whom on purpose, or just their insufficient skill levels, park in manners that leave it up for debate on evolution, and whether or not these shit parkers’ genetic lines have all of the same makeup that of those who actually know how to park a car correctly.

So I’d be over the moon at the thought of devices like this being employed in America, and am a little bit envious that China seems to have these first, with the hopes that they would actively deter people from parking like unskilled invalids, or those who park terribly on purpose because they think their Nissan Maxima was manufactured by Bugatti and need to take up four parking spaces.

There’s a lot of gray area on these devices, mainly how they are retrieved once a violator has paid their fine, or what the next steps are if a person is not deterred through public shaming and accepts the fact that they’re to drive around with this big ass digital barnacle on their vehicle until the end of time, but just my knee-jerk reaction of these things is resoundingly positive.

The source video appears to already be gone, and I don’t want to hunt and search for anything from Chinese internets, but if the thumbnails are any indication, and the device is slapped on for merely having the tires overlapping the boundary line by just a few centimeters, it appears that China’s expectations for parking ability are quite, Asian in the sense that it doesn’t seem like it requires a lot of infraction to warrant getting one of these slapped on your ride.

All the same, the intent is to make people better drivers in general, and I wouldn’t even say that I’d be impervious to getting one of these, because I’m no stranger for looking for imbalanced parking spaces that give me a slight advantage of space wherever I can, and at one of my old jobs, I used to always park way over the line, to maximize the distance of an adjacent car’s ability to park next to me, but it was far away, so I didn’t think I was inconveniencing anyone.

But I love the logic behind this from the Chinese, because it’s undoubtedly a cash-grab of a device, but also, it’s a device of public shaming, because it’s not like a boot that immobilizes a car, but it’s instead a boot that you can drive around with, and everyone can see that you’re a shit parker.  And it’s insinuated that Chinese and other Asian cultures seem more susceptible to embarrassment than other countries (America) and that this idea might not work as well in other countries (America) as they might in a place like China.

But I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t want to see it piloted here anyway.  I’d love to see Chinese meter maids trolloping around a place like Atlantic Station or the West Paces Ferry shopping center where the worst parkers on the planet all parked like the wild west, in order to minimize how much they had to walk to Starbucks or Willy’s.  Every Mercedes, Kia Optima or BMW that parks like a douche gets one of these giant suction cup yellow discs slapped onto their door, and is stuck with them until they’re paid.  Every Dodge RAM mobile-insurrection chariot that is oblivious to just how much their cab is sticking out or over the lines gets one of these slapped on their door.

They might not be as embarrassed as the Chinese might be to have one of these one, but they’d definitely be pissed that something as ugly and unsightly would be stuck to their rides, and if they not going to outright just try and remove them illegally, it might just actually succeed at making some terrible drivers, slightly more conscientious of their decision-making when they’re behind the wheel.

As much as I love to clown on the Chinese as much as anyone of Korean descent does, gotta give credit where it’s due; they had a great idea with these things, and I can only fantasize about things like these being deployed in ‘Murica.

An unprecedented level of ownage just went legendary

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The bar has been set: Marcus Jordan, son of Michael Jordan, wants dad to be his best man when he gets married . . . to Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife

About a year ago it came out that Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife was in a relationship with Marcus Jordan, the son of the greatest NBA player of all time, Michael Jordan.  I just figured ol’ Larsa was doing so a cerebrally petty means of attacking her ex, ol’ Stiffin’ Pippen, because they seemed to have had a fairly tumultuous and ugly public divorce. 

After all, there’s rebounding with a younger man, and then there’s rebounding with a younger man who also happens to be the son of your greatest frienemy/rival/man who overshadowed you your whole career/life, and considering all the nastiness that showed during their divorce, it didn’t seem like such a stretch that a gal like Larsa would do such a thing for no other reason.

Now whether it was a one-night stand gone wrong, a touching tale of true love to grow out of the pile of dog shit, or an orchestrated plot to try and make Scottie Pippen have sleep problems for the next decade, the relationship has evolved, and now Marcus and Larsa are apparently engaged and are planning to get married; and Marcus wants his dad, to the best man at his wedding.

Back when I found out about Marcus and Larsa’s relationship, I called it an unprecedented level of ownage, which still stands, but with them getting married, and the desire to have MJ as the best man, which he will more than likely do, that unprecedented level of ownage is about to become legendary.  A new lofty level of owange that will have a hard time ever being matched, much less surpassed.  One where even Patrick Ewing of all people would sit back and go, “damn, Scottie about to get owned.”

Not only did Larsa dump Scottie’s ass, she held onto his name because obviously she’s nothing without it, so that’s getting owned; she keeps the notoriety of being a Pippen without having to put up with Scottie’s bullshit and most likely the constant embarrassment of him being Stiffin’ Pippen whenever they went out to eat.  Then she hooks up with a younger man, and that younger man happens to be Marcus Jordan, the son of Michael Jordan, whom Scottie hasn’t been shy about turning full heel on over the last few years, and letting his true green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, so that’s getting owned to the unprecedented level.

But now they’re getting married, and if MJ has any semblance of knowledge of what it takes to be a good dad, he will undoubtedly be his best man, and when they undoubtedly and inevitably and have exorbitant wedding photos, it’s going to be Scottie’s ex-wife, with a younger man, AND Michael Jordan all looking at the camera and smiling, looking right back at Scottie.

It’s no secret how much MJ loves winning and owning others, and this undoubtedly counts as a severe and massive W for MJ, at the expense of Scottie.  And I’m not sure what would be sweeter, between all of this being basically payback for all of the bullshit Scottie had spouted in the media about MJ and their relationship, or the fact that throughout this whole journey, MJ really didn’t actually lift a finger the whole time, letting his son do all of the legwork, and being able to usurp the credit for the ownage solely by being Marcus’s dad.

Either way, at this point, I think it’s safe to say that Patrick Ewing can finally hand over the massively burdensome torch of being MJ’s biggest bitch over to Scottie Pippen, because I have no earthly idea on how this level of ownage can ever be surpassed.

Nothing says World Series champion like a technicality

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Regardless of who ultimately wins the World Series, there will be at least one particularly undeserving member of their team’s organization, that will be getting a World Series championship ring.

In the red corner, we have pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who will get a WS ring if the Dbacks win the World Series, despite the fact that he was cut all the way back in April.  MLB rules state that any player that plays any duration of time on the team’s roster, is entitled to a WS ring upon the organization’s winning of a championship that season. 

Despite the fact that Bumgarner got blown up to the tune of 20 runs in just 16.2 innings in April, and was kind of a dick about accepting any sort of coaching, the rules do say that if the Diamondbacks, he would be entitled to receive his fourth championship ring, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t been on the roster for over six months.

And in the blue corner, we have Max Scherzer, to his credit, is still on the Rangers’ roster, but has been trying his hardest to prevent the Rangers from doing any sort of winning.  Since being reactivated for the ALCS, Mad Max has made three playoff starts, but has only pitched to the tune of 9.2 innings, and given up seven earned runs in the process. 

In spite of his ineffectiveness, the Rangers still won two of those putrid starts, and are two wins away from the Commissioner’s Trophy; however the bad news is that if the Diamondbacks manage to stretch this series out even just the littlest bit, the chances of Max Scherzer getting the ball again in a critical game six or seven go up exponentially, and he definitely doesn’t inspire any confidence in his current state.

So which brings us to the question of, who would be the heavier freeloader in one of the teams’ hypothetical championship wins?

There’s something to be said about a guy who was on the squad for 14% of the entire season, and ineffectively at that, getting a championship ring, but then there’s the guy that is actively sandbagging the team’s chances at getting the championship, right now. 

If I had to ironically pick one of them to get their ring that they don’t deserve, I think it would be funnier if it were Bumgarner, but as it stands right now, the Rangers seem like they’re a little bit more Team of Destiny™ than even the Diamondbacks are, so it’s looking more favorable that Scherzer might gravy-train his way to his second WS ring, not to mention that he’ll be due to make around $118M over the next four seasons being paid out from four different franchises.  But on that same token, there’s something owning towards the Mets that their big-ticket acquisition goes onto win a ring with another team after the abject failure of the Mets forced them to trade him.

Regardless, it really doesn’t matter to me, and I really don’t care so much as it’s just mildly amusing that we’re in a scenario where a completely undeserving guy is going to be getting a championship ring regardless of the outcome of the World Series.

(Ironic) reason #169 why baseball is so great.

[EDITlol] not long after I wrote this, it came out that Max Scherzer was removed from the World Series roster, citing some bullshit physical ailment, to which any sports fan with a brain knows, is the dreaded DL for sucking.  And seeing as how the Rangers are now 3-1 in the series, it doesn’t seem likely that a Scherzer in game 7 is even remotely a possibility, so it looks like Mad Max might be getting the ring he doesn’t deserve.

I don’t like admitting this

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

But Philadelphia is a better baseball town than Atlanta is.  Better than your town too, wherever my zero readers might be, unless it’s also Philadelphia.

After the Braves were unceremoniously bounced from the go-zillionth NLDS, once again by the Phillies, I got to thinking.  No, I’m hardly mad just disappointed whenever this happens, but the Braves will always be the Barves barring me having any more kids, which ain’t ever going to happen again, but I always think about why it is that the Braves just can’t stop transforming into the Barves, pretty much every single October throughout history, before by brain shuts down on baseball entirely until the following season.

I actually saw this outcome coming, because the way the Braves limped to the end of the season was pretty telling that they were in trouble once the playoffs began.  Immediately after winning the division, the team entirely went on vacation and got clobbered by the Marlins, dropped 2/3 to the Phillies and then ended the season on an L to the Nationals.  Max Fried and Charlie Morton went on the injured list, and it’s easy to say that the Braves were resting starters, but if you looked at the box scores, the starters were all playing starters’ innings for the bulk of the games after clinching.

I actually was a little optimistic when news came out that the Braves would be playing scrimmages against their minor leaguers during the Wild Card round, because it was evident that the first round layoff the Braves had last year dulled them once the Phillies came around, and they were proactive in trying to prevent that from happening again.  And I was hoping that allowing fans to come watch, would’ve been like in Ted Lasso when AFC Richmond opened their practices to the fans, and they grew and increased, and it helped create a stronger bond between players and fans, which propelled them to later success.

But when the Braves got dropped by the Phillies in a glorified bullpen game in the first game of the NLDS, the sinking feeling in my gut returned, and I just knew that the Braves were going to lose in four games; and not just in four, I knew the sequence that the Braves would win game two, but then lose the two games once the series moved to Philadelphia, because it was the same script from the year prior.  Once you’ve watched sports as much as I have, there are just patterns and feelings that make it easy to predict certain outcomes, and especially when it comes to the Braves, and their postseason success.  But believe me, as much as I love being right about sports, this prediction coming true does not bring joy.

This year though, my brain took a different route, and stopped thinking about why the Braves suck in October, but more pondering on why the Phillies are so good once again, once the playoffs began.  In fact, for those paying a modicum of attention throughout the season might’ve noticed, the Phillies were an outstanding team for the better part of the entire season, it’s just that the Braves were having a near-historically good season in their own right; but make no mistake, if not for the massive division lead that the Braves built in April and in June, the narrative of the season would’ve been way more interesting in September.

But it goes back to a storyline earlier in the season, where the Phillies’ shortstop Trea Turner was having a complete bomb of a season, and considering the fact that he had signed with the team to an 11-year deal worth $300 million, it looked like we were on the cusp of witnessing the newest edition to the endless list of bad contract free agent busts.

However, in a strange turn of events, there was a particular game where Phillies fans for one night, stopped acting like typical Phillies fans, and they did something collectively surprising and impressive; they cheered the fuck out of Trea Turner in the midst of his slump, and gave him a series of standing ovations every time he stepped to the plate.

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