Tag: food

The chork is chucking stupid

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Impetus: Panda Express considers using chorks at their restaurants; in other news, chorks exist, as a bastardized hybrid between a fork and chopsticks

First, chuck Panda Express.  They’re the chucking worst.  How does one describe being the KFC of Chinese food when they’re already on the same echelon of the genre?  I want to say Chinese culinary experts of the past would be rolling in their graves at the idea of fast food Chinese, but there’s a strange cycle of irony that a culture of cheaters, counterfeiters and lacking integrity or respect for copyrights is having their country’s food being bastardized and essentially counterfeited for fat American capitalistic profit.

But the creation of the chork?  I’m chucking chlabbergasted by such an abomination.  They’re basically a shitty fork on one end, and the worst pair of tweezers in the world on the other end, presumably trying poorly to simulate chopsticks.

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Okay, now I’m mad at Chick Fil-A

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Utter bullshit: Chick Fil-A discontinues the breakfast spicy chicken biscuit; in favor of an egg-white chicken sandwich

I can overlook legacy founder discrimination and I can overlook the mayor of New York jumping on the boycott train two years late.  But getting rid of the spicy chicken biscuit?

Now, I have reason to have issue with Chick Fil-A.

In one fell swoop, CFA has effectively removed my favorite breakfast item, and replaced it with an item, that sounds okay on paper, but will be one that I cannot eat period, because I’m 90% sure that I have an allergy to eggs now.  Regular chicken biscuits are damn good in their own right, but if given options, I’m taking the spicy chicken biscuit four times out of five, nine times out of ten, and probably 90 times out of a hundred.

Seriously, I don’t really understand they’d 86 something that has been clearly a consistent strong performer on the menu, just because they want to introduce something else to the breakfast lineup.  It’s basically the equivalent of the Indiana Pacers trading Detlef Schrempf away because they wanted to use Rik Smits.

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Don’t forget the ketchup!

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In propagating American stereotypes: semi-truck hauling Heinz ketchup overturns and crashes on I-95, spilling its contents all over the road

Too bad this happened in the Florida stretch of I-95, and not like outside of Savannah or something.  Chalk this up as another close call that doesn’t really count, as it was close, but didn’t actually happen in Georgia, much less the Metro Atlanta area.  Bummer.

Whatever though, so ketchup.  Who ever knew that ketchup was in such a demand that it needed to be hauled in semis?  Seriously, segments of life can be measured in the time it takes me to actually kill bottles of ketchup.  Seriously, I remember a point in my life where my mom got a Costco-sized 64 oz. bottle of Heinz ketchup, and it probably lasted between the 4th through 7th grades; I’m pretty sure in the case of ketchup, best used by dates are more like suggested guesses and that it doesn’t actually expire.

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Braves Burgerizza, owned

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

So, in an attempt to entice even the most jaded baseball fans into the dying home of the likely worst-team in Major League Baseball, the Atlanta Braves rolled out a bunch of crazy food items to try and appeal to the appetites for garbage food instead of competitive baseball.  Among them was this ridiculous cheeseburger, with two pan pizzas as buns, dubbed the “Burgerizza.”  I may have posted about this prior to the start of the season, but I can’t exactly go back and check since my site is still down. 

Well, in the case of me, it worked.  I knew that I had to go to a Braves game, if for anything at all, to eat this delicious-looking abomination.  This is also why I’m fat, but that’s beside the point.

Admittedly, I had some reservations about it, because a month prior, I had failed to defeat one of the other Braves food abominations, the tater tot waffle.  It was just so starchy and carb-y, and filled me up so quickly, that I could only make it through 3/4  of it before tapping out.  In terms of mass, the Burgerizza was larger, and at $26, it was more expensive, which meant that I was risking throwing away even more money in case I couldn’t complete it.

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I AM THE BURRITO KING

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment
me with THE Willy of Willy’s

On July 1, the Willy’s Road Trip promotion began.  I knocked out eight locations off the bat.  On July 2, I knocked out ten Willy’s, including the daunting Athens location.  On July 3, I visited eight more Willy’s and on July 4th, I visited the last Willy’s and didn’t hesitate when I got to my computer to submit the photos of all my receipts.

I got notification that I was the first one in on July 5, but a brief explanation that my submission would have to be verified and confirmed before I was officially anointed the first winner of the Willy’s Road Trip.  I figured, eh, no big deal, this shouldn’t take long, and that I had nothing to worry about because I followed the rules and stayed within parameters the entire way.

But then the waiting began.  I didn’t hear back throughout the remainder of the July 5.  Did something go awry?  I didn’t hear back on July 6.  Did they dislike my tactic of getting a cheapo item at most of the locations?  I didn’t hear back on July 7.  Did they not like the fact that I didn’t blow up Twitter or social media with their hashtag?

I was getting anxious.  Why was it taking Willy’s longer to verify my handful of receipts than it took me to drive nearly 300 miles in four days to visit?

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The breakdown of the Willy’s Road Trip contest

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Like the overcompetitive tryhard psychopath I am when it comes to Willy’s, burritos and competition, when I heard about the Willy’s Road Trip contest, and decided that I was going to do it, naturally it turned into a situation of “ha ha, you’re crazy Danny,” to a degree of planning and execution that really probably makes the people around me crook their head a little bit before looking at me next.

So yeah, when I was giving a lot of thought about how I was going to approach this, I decided that I was going to finish it as fast as possible, and came up with a route that would optimize hitting as many Willy’s on particular days, so that I could achieve this optimal finish.

What I was banking on was the fact that among the 27 Willy’s locations, four of them were within office buildings that had limited, Monday through Friday hours, hours as swift as 2:00 p.m. in one of them.  I figure those four would trip up most other psychopaths (if there are any), because the contest started on a Friday, and those most gung-ho about it would have to be as nuts and have as little of a life as I did in order to get them tackled as soon as possible.

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This is what insanity looks like

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Superstition would dictate that I would never share the details of any contest that I was interested in.  I know far too many talented people out there whose skills, acumen and tenacity render me the equivalent of like a toddler when it comes to particular contests.  Call me selfish, but sometimes I’d rather not have the super-talented people I know in my life not beating the shit out of me in any forms of contest.

But in an ironic sense that because of the server outage, nobody will actually read this until god knows when, I feel like I can talk about this contest whose hat that I’m going to throw my name into.  Without concern of jinxing it, or having anyone I know being better than me at it and winning it out from under my nose.

Thankfully this is a contest that I’m fairly certain nobody I know would, much less could, or even want – to challenge me in.  Because most people I know aren’t obsessive and insane about burritos, and typically probably have better things to do with their time and lives.

I got an email from Willy’s, the burrito chain that holds a dear spot in my gluttonous heart.  Long story short: visit all 27 Atlanta-area (plus one in fucking Athens) Willy’s locations, take a picture of the receipts, and try and be one of five nutjobs to be first to submit. 

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