Tag: kids

2 Under 2: Realization (#050)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Just the other day, I was having one of those parenting mornings where my child was very cranky and fussy, and nothing I could seemed to be capable of placating her frustration.  There was lots of crying and tantrums, and as mythical wife and I have coined the phrase, I was getting fried.  By the time noon rolled around, my patience was completely eroded and I couldn’t wait to put her down for her afternoon nap.

Once down, mythical wife I were chatting about the particularly challenging morning, but then she said to me that the number of days left of where it’s going to be just the two of us in the morning is ticking down to zero; once #2 gets here, which is literally any day now, then mornings like this, where it’s just #1 and myself together aren’t going to be happening with any frequency, regardless of if it’s she’s being an angel or a hellion.

That realization, hit me like a baseball bat.  She was right.  It really is a bittersweet realization that once again opens up the door of guilt towards my first child, because once #2 gets here, my attention will be divided at times, and I will no longer be capable of giving her the undivided attention that I feel that any child deserves from their parents.  Suddenly, I’m feeling like an asshole for getting fried at having my patience tested by what was probably more than likely the aggravation that comes with teething for her, which is something I should know a great deal of these days, but I still let it get under my skin and burn me out.

Once #2 arrives, not only will things be much more difficult across the board, but there will be plenty of times in which I will have to divert my attention to the much more critically demanding needs of a newborn baby versus the slightly less demanding in comparison to a toddler baby, and then I’m sure I’ll be pining for the simplicity of having to only care for a single child versus bouncing around between two.

The guilt is real, although I know it’s unnecessary since the love I have for one child does not mean it will be stretched out with the arrival of a second.  Everything will work out in the end, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve probably been taking my time with #1 for granted on some days like this one, and I know that I need to treasure what little solo time I have left with her before life as I know it changes forever, again.

2 Under 2: Inevitability (#049)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In preparation for the arrival of #2, I went ahead and put together the double stroller that we will obviously need.  As nice and fancy as it is, with tech that probably rivals the Mach I Iron Man suit, it’s about as bulky as the Mach I, and at 36 lbs. it’s not a weight that I can’t handle, but it is cumbersome given its dimensions, even when folded.

Needless to say, I’m looking at this folded stroller, and it definitely looks like it will take a solid 20% of the entire cargo area in my car.  By itself it’s obviously no big deal, but looking into the future, where there will be road trips, vacations or any sort of outing that will require the need for the stroller as well as some cargo space before/afterward, and I’m beginning to wonder if my car is big enough for my growing famiry.

Keep in mind, I switched to my current car in 2019 in preparation for the famiry that mythical wife and I were starting, and this was “the big car” that was meant for famiry utility and being a responsible adult.  I went from a compact hatchback to a crossover SUV, and barely two years of car payments into it, and I’m questioning myself on whether or not it was the right choice, because two kids showed up a little faster than anticipated, and suddenly all the space that I thought was adequate might not actually be.

Here’s the thing though: I have zero qualms with the notion of getting a minivan.  Mythical wife however, absolutely does not want a minivan, no matter how beneficial and logical they are.  To say she has a jihad against minivans would be an understatement; it’s almost as if minivans crashed into the Twin Towers on September 11th in her mind, they’re that horrendous of an idea to her.

It’s debatable how much of it is joking and how much is truth, but I like to throw hypothetical situations at her, like if we went out one night, and I drank too much, and she’d have to drive the minivan home, would she?  Absolutely fucking not; we can Uber home.  What if I needed a ride from the airport, and I have a ton of stuff, would she bring the minivan to pick me up?  No fucking way, we’d instead be those assholes trying to squeeze a ton of things into her compact car, while Atlanta rent-a-cops on power trips blow whistles at us for obstructing traffic.

However though, a minivan would undoubtedly put all spaces woes to rest in two seconds, and probably still give us enough room to haul the big dog with us if we ever wanted to go somewhere dog-friendly.  Not only could our gargantuan stroller fit inside of the cargo of a minivan, but some full-size luggage would probably be fine, and still have space to spare for the inevitability of buying shit or other things.

I don’t give a flying fuck of the optics of being a dad in a minivan.  I’m a fucking parent, and one with a brain that puts value in versatility, utility and functionality.  Plus the general safety and wellbeing of my famiry.  I’m too old to be self-conscious over the car that I drive, and if it’s imperative for me to have “a cool car,” I’ll figure out a way to get a side car so that I can make myself somehow more adequate to those that care.

Regardless, if the need for space and utility continues to grow, in spite of my wife’s jihad against them, I feel like there’s always going to be the possibility that a minivan, may become an inevitability.  Ain’t no skin off my back. 

2 Under 2: Self-fulfilling prophecy (#048)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

When my older sister had children, she explained to me one day that doing anything with toddlers is basically a game of 15-minute chunks of time.  An ordinary run to the grocery store or a trip to Target which would ordinarily not take a tremendous amount of time has its time multiplied several times over due to the necessity of preparation to accommodate a toddler(s).  Naturally I understand, but it was one of those things that I hoped that when I had my own kid(s), if it was something that I might be able to improve upon or be more efficient with, because I’m always all for trying to find out how to make processes more efficient.

Over the weekend, we decided to take my child to the pool.  In spite of the weather, the skies opened up, the sun was bursting, and it looked like a scene right out of a Disney opening sequence.  So with the pool decided, the clock began ticking for preparing for a seemingly pedestrian trip to the neighborhood pool:

  • Put child in swimsuit
  • Put on our own swimsuits
  • Sunscreen child
  • Sunscreen ourselves
  • Bring snack for child
  • Bring drinks for ourselves
  • Is child’s inflatable inflated?
  • No, need to inflate
  • Pack pool bag
  • Mythical wife wants to take a smoothie to the pool
  • Need to prepare smoothie
  • Blender sounds scare child, need to calm her

25 minutes later, we’re in the car on the way to the pool.  Our window to enjoy the pool limited to the next daily milestone, which would be dinner at 5:20 for child.

But, as we pull into the pool lot, I see the first drips of precipitation on my windshield.  Undeterred, I say it’s just light sprinkles, and we get out of the car and prepare to go poolside, and wait under umbrellas if it gets any worse.  As I lift the hatch to my car to start unloading, the sky just decides to say fuck you, and suddenly it’s raining again, despite there being no clouds in the sky.

Trip to the pool dashed, we crankily went back home, with no pool enjoyment to be had.  My afternoon was effectively dashed and I was agitated the rest of the afternoon.

Frankly, this is hardly the first time that the game of 15-25 minutes just to execute has come into play, but it was definitely a prime example of how it affected things so immediately, and in spite of my desires to be a more efficient and higher executing parent, it’s a steep climb to not fall into the same pitfalls that all other parents probably do.

2 Under 2: Uncharted Territory (#047)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

At the time I’m writing this, mythical wife has passed the 36-week mark, and we’re nearly two weeks past the point in which my first was born early.  Needless to say, despite the fact that pregnancies are typically measured in 40-week events, a lot of things can happen in just less than two of them, especially towards the tail end of them.

Sure, no two pregnancies are ever the same as most moms will attest to, but at the same time, there are a lot of commonalities between them as well.  Regardless, since we’re into uncharted territory this time around, there are some stark noticeable differences between the first time and the current.

Mostly insomnia, but also the increasing strain of a growing entity the size of a butternut squash puts on mythical wife’s body, and she’s basically tipping past the point of relief that we’ve made it past 34.5 weeks, to getting eager to serve eviction papers to our little tenant living rent-free.

Despite our general preparation and understanding that baby #2 is on the way, I don’t think it’s really going to sink in entirely, until she’s actually arrived.  When I think about life as it is right now, as a one-child household, and the general routine that’s been carved out, it does make me a little nervous to when we hit the point where #2 arrives and then it’s back to the drawing board of figuring out how each and every day is going to go afterward.  Not that I feel any sort of dread and apprehension at the addition to the famiry, but it’s definitely going to be a challenge when everything is thrown into chaos once again.

But until then, it’s taking everything a day at a time until we’re out of days before the scheduled arrival, with clenched buttholes and constant status checks.  My own dad is convinced that we’ll make it all the way to the scheduled date, but I think mythical wife would rather slit her wrists than wait that much longer, but at the same thing if things show up sooner, then whew, here comes the pandemonium.

2 Under 2: Little reprieve (#046)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

At the time I’m writing this, I’m not particularly in a very good place.  As previously posted, mythical wife and I are at the point of #2’s pregnancy where our breath is being held since it’s possible that history could repeat itself and that’s becoming kind of stressful, for all related reasons. 

Meanwhile, in the life with #1, we’re trying to transition her from two naps a day to one, which comes with its own set of challenges to schedule and adaptation, not to mention that she’s clearly teething again, so that’s been kind of stressful for all related reasons.

And then there’s the whole job situation, where my bosses are literally trying to get me fired now, so imagine how it feels going into work each day knowing that you are not wanted there, and invisible plans are already in motion that can result in your termination.  So that’s been kind of stressful.  For all related reasons.

Needless to say, I’m currently in a position where the work week sucks for all obvious reasons, but then the weekends that are supposed to be two days of catching up and relaxation are sparsely any better because trying to navigate a teething toddler through a sleep transition often leads to a wailing baby and me getting frazzled and fried because I can’t afford to have the help of a nanny on weekends, mythical wife is very pregnant and can’t be as physically involved, which all results in not being particularly in a very good place.

I go to bed on Sunday night feeling dejected and worn down, and also completely dreading returning to work the following day for a different set of stressors and anxieties to take place and this is where I realize that I am not particularly in a very good place.

My capacity for any sort of disappointments and let-downs is basically nil, and once again I’m in this headspace where everything is setting me off and pissing me off way more than it probably should.  From the pets in the house, the barking of the dogs, the frustrations of cohabitation, but most of all, the sheer feeling of unreliability of the working world around me, namely the fact that mythical wife and I finally ordered a new treadmill, but it never showed.

It was scheduled for arrival on Sunday, the window for arrival was completely missed, we wasted the entire fucking day held hostage at home expecting an arrival only to discover that it wasn’t going to happen late in the day, and the day was basically a dead end wash in terms of potential productivity or finding something better to do with my wife and child than sit around and wait.

It started this mental snowball of how much the American workforce is unreliable and incompetent, and how much I fucking despise just people who simply cannot manage time.  I’m getting put on a track for firing because I’m potentially missing deadlines, but I never actually factually miss them.  Out in the real world, workers are missing deadlines, failing to fulfill orders or do their jobs well, and this is accepted as the norm.  I know there’s something to be said about not everyone having hair triggers on firing people, but there’s just this fucked up double standard I’m feeling with my own circumstances versus the ones I, and probably everyone else, notice on a regular basis, with incompetent workforces.

I know this is devolving into a rant, but the whole point of all this is that I’m at a yet another unfortunate burnout point, and like most cases, nothing is going to get through this other than time, but at this current juncture, all the lights at the end of the tunnels all come with their own sets of heavy baggage, nor are any one of them definitive and mean any of the other tunnels’ circumstances still don’t happen if I’m not on those trains.

Just need to hope to make it through each day, with a job intact, #1 in good health, and a mythical wife still in good shape with #2 in the oven.  But sometimes such circumstances feels like a bigger challenge than it does at other times.

2 Under 2: Walking on eggshells (#045)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment
Photo courtesy Here Comes the Sun Photography

Today marks 34 weeks in mythical wife’s pregnancy, which is a pretty significant milestone as far as we’re concerned.  Child #1 was prematurely born at 34.5 weeks, and from what a lot of medical sources tend to state, premature once, premature possible again. 

Needless to say, I’ve reached the stage of walking on eggshells and anoos clenched that history does not repeat itself, as in spite of how well we navigated the waters and journeys of a premature birth the first time around, it is still preferrable to hope to avoid it the second time around, avoid the NICU and hope for a closer-to-full-term arrival, closer to 40 weeks than 34.

All the same, we both need to be ready at a moment’s notice at this point, as anything is possible now.  Our home is relatively prepared, #2’s nursery is pretty much complete, and if we had to introduce a new child into the home today, we’d probably be in good shape in terms of preparation.  But still, given the challenges and strain of wading into the ocean of firsts the first time around, we both know what we’re hoping for, versus what we’re hoping to circumvent.

Regardless, it’s crazy to think that it’s almost arrival time for #2.  Before I know it, I’ll be a new dad to a second kid when I’m barely getting the scent of new dad off of me from the first.  As much as I’ve been mentally trying to not become complacent, settling into the routine of the development of one kid, knowing that the second is right around the corner, with the hopes that once #2 arrives, the rigors of overnight feeds, sleep deprivation and the added challenge of two simultaneous children, I know it’s going to hit like a ton of bricks all over again and mythical wife and I will be in for a world of fatigue very soon.

Until then though, it’s hold onto your butts and hoping for the best.  Every day beyond the 34.5 week mark will be a gift, and I’m hoping that we’ll reach a point where mythical wife will be clawing at the bit to serve an eviction notice, rather than to be on pins and needles hoping #2 will stay put for just a little bit longer.

2 Under 2: My child has a more refined palette than Paul Walker (#044)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

As my child has gradually been climbing up the ladder of solid foods, one of the things that I have held back up to this point has been the crusts of bread.  One of the things that I’ve given her periodically has been toast with cheese melted on it; but minus the crust, as toasted bread crusts are hard, crusty and would be something of a choking hazard if not just a coughing trigger, things that I wanted to avoid while she was still very little.

Recently, I’ve begun feeding her the crust of bread, seeing as how she has several teeth and has become quite the voracious eater, much like her dad, and the risk of choking and weak esophagus have diminished some over the months.  To no surprise, she was able to take her own bites of the crust of bread and eaten it with little complaint.

It was in this moment that I realized that my daughter has a much more sophisticated palette than Paul Walker’s character Brian O’Connor from the greatest movie series of all time, the original The Fast and the Furious (the one with the the’s in the title).  And since characters are often loosely based on the people portraying them, I’m going to guess that tuna on white no crust is probably something that Paul Walker himself fancied, we won’t know definitively rest in peace.

But the fact that my daughter is more than capable and willing to eat the crusts of her bread means that at 14 months old, she has already surpassed the culinary palette of a 28-year old Paul Walker, when his character was shown stepping into the Toretto’s family convenience store to try and get into Mia’s pants by repeatedly ordering tuna sandwiches with no crust.

This might be more brog-worthy than her first steps or the fact that she’s demonstrating her increasing intelligence on a daily basis, but to out-eat Paul Walker, is something a dad should be proud of.