Tag: wwe

I hope he throws salt in God’s eyes and whacks him with his cane

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In memoriam: Harry Fujiwara AKA Mr. Fuji dies at the age of 82 years old

I’ll be honest, I didn’t really care that much when Paul Bearer died.  Sure, he was a memorable personality in the wrestling industry, who had the luxury of being associated with one of the greatest of all times in The Undertaker, but let’s be real here, he wasn’t really that interesting of a guy to me.  He spoke in a ghostly voice and was visually memorable, but he never got his hands dirty, he rarely took bumps, and really, he only managed three guys ever, Kane and Mankind on top of the Undertaker.

But Mr. Fuji passing, that elicits actual downer emotions within me.  Mr. Fuji was undoubtedly on the Mount Rushmore of classically heel managers, along with Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart and the Slickster.  Mr. Fuji was a guy that was memorable for all the reasons, right and wrong, whether it was because he was a walking caricature of Japanese stereotypes, with his Uncle Tom suit and bad guy bowler hat, or the fact that when you look at the guys he managed, he certainly managed his share of actual champions.

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Believe that

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

OOOAHHHHHHH – Samoan for* “Roman Reigns suspended by WWE for violating their wellness policy”

*not true

This is an interesting story, because Roman Reigns is a main-eventer and come from a reputable wrestling family, most notably related to, The Rock.  Typically wrestlers under certain circumstances are inexplicably exempt from ever being in violation of the WWE Wellness Policy, and are often times alternatively given a private slap on the wrist, much to the dismay of other wrestling superstars who are not within said circumstances.

This is unofficially called the Randy Orton Line, on account of Randy Orton being caught multiple times throughout his career for steroid use or other undocumented violations of the same wellness policy, but not getting any substantial reprimand or punishment, popularly believed to be because he was a main-eventer, as well as coming from a reputable wrestling lineage, one that has always been in good relations with Vince McMahon and family.  Those underneath the Randy Orton Line in the roster hierarchy and lacking in legacy clout typically face the suspensions that range anywhere from 30-90 days, if not outright firing.

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Enzo and Cass are already boring

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Enzo: my name is enzo amore and I am a certified g and a bonafide stud and you can’t teach that.  this here is big cass and he’s seven feet tall and you can’t teach that.  badaboom, realest guys in the room, how you doin’?

Cassady: (improvised remarks about Dudley Boyz opponents) and there’s only one word to describe you (period) and i’m gonna spell it out for you: s-a-w-f-t

Here’s the thing; I just wrote all that out from memory.  I’m 90% sure that I’m 100% correct on the entire spiel, because I’ve heard the exact same fucking lines every single RAW since Wrestlemania.  And the fans eat this shit up, reciting the whole routine, word for word along with them, while popping like they’re cheering for Hulk Hogan in the 90s all the while.

Personally, I’m already bored of Enzo and Cass, and I’m at the point where I know that 4-5 clicks of the 30 seconds forward button is sufficient to skip the entire entrance routine, see that they’re wrestling the Dudley Boyz for the 74th time, and then start clicking some more to skip the match outright.

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WWE revisionist fail

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Like many people, I get a kick out of lists.  Among them, I’ve typically enjoyed a lot of the lists produced in video format, by the WWE’s YouTube channel, and I appreciate the general transparency, and willingness to stop taking wrestling fans as idiots and pretend like alternate wrestling options don’t exist, by showcasing guys that aren’t with the company any more, or those who have left this world in passing.

Except for one man, whom yes, did truly horrific and terrible things, and the world is a better place without him in it.  But like I’ve said numerous times about the topic, such things can easily be said about the man himself, but as a wrestling performer, I will still say he is one of my all-time favorites, and someone whose body of work as a performer I can still admire and appreciate, separate from the human being he was when not performing as a wrestler.

This man is obviously Chris Benoit, who murdered his wife and son before taking his own life.  But make no mistake, the wrestler Chris Benoit was a tremendous competitor and had a laundry list of A+ matches throughout his career.  Twice a World champion, with numerous secondary and tag titles won in his career, Benoit was a technical wizard in the ring and could really go in any style at an excellent level, be it submission, technical, strong style, or just plain brawling entertainingly.

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The leg drop really is a dumb move

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Over the last few days, I’ve been watching a lot of Hulk Hogan leg drops, in honor of his recent victory over Gawker.  Now, I’m still excited and happy over his victory over that shitty network of sites, but eventually I got to a point where I’d begun moving on, and watching all these montages of Hulk Hogan leg drops got me thinking about ultimately, the leg drop is kind of a dumb move.

Basically, a wrestler leaps up in the air and drapes their popliteal over their opponent’s head.  It’s basically like clotheslining someone, with your leg, and probably with less momentum, since they’re already flat on mat, and gravity probably can’t provide the same force as person(s) running at each other.

Sure, Hulk Hogan made the move famous, but there’s no denying that when you take the Hulkster factor out of the equation, it’s still a pretty mundane and lackluster maneuver.

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Finally truly respectable

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

If there’s one good thing about Wrestlemanias, whether you watch them or not, it’s usually the most opportune time for the WWE to make some changes upon it’s passing.  Throughout the years, belt changes have often come on or immediately after Wrestlemanias, including numerous iterations of the World title, the Intercontinental championship. all the times John Cena wigger-ized both the United States and the World championships.  But at long last, the most visually problematic belt of the bunch, the maligned Divas Championship was finally put to rest, replaced with the new and respectable WWE Women’s Championship.

This is a step in the right direction.  But a bigger step in the right direction is the WWE’s decision to finally scrap the whole notion of “Divas” in the first place, and anoint the women wrestlers with the same distinction as the male wrestlers – Superstars.

It’s not so much that I’m some ultra feminist, as much as it’s simply the fact that I recognize that women’s wrestling has come leaps and bounds from the days of Torrie Wilson versus Stacy Keibler cat fights or Sable versus Jacqueline piss breaks.  Those were Divas.  From AJ Lee, Paige, to the more current crop of stars like Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch, and those on the way like Bayley and Asuka, calling any of them Divas isn’t as much of a disservice as much as it’s simply kind of insulting.  All of these women have proven that they can go, and it’s at last long overdue that they’re no longer denigrated by the title of Diva, and called the Superstars that they really are.

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QQing over wrestling

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year.

I’m not sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year, because the card looks putrid, NXT Takeover will inevitably be the better show, but Wrestlemania’s card looks putrid this year.  Nobody wants to see Roman Reigns win the world title, nobody wants to see Kevin Owens be in a match that includes the Miz and Zack Ryder, and the best match of the night very well is going to be the Divas title match between Charlotte, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks.  No disrespect to the hardest working women in ages, but the rest of the card is definitely not worth sinking five hours of time into.

I am sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year, because it’s pretty much the first time in over a decade in which I’m not going to be watching it with some of my closest and longest tenured friends, whom we’ve had something of a tradition of doing for the better part of almost the last two decades.  Prior to this year, the only two blips in the radar have been the times in which I actually attended Wrestlemania, which were cool in their own right, but paled in comparison to evenings of catching up, shooting the shit, stuffing our faces silly, and commentating on all the bad matches of the night.

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