Tag: cashmoney

O PILSUNG COREA MOTHERFUCKERS

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

On this date, December 2, 2022

South Korea 2, Portugal 1

As much as I enjoy the World Cup, I didn’t have any grand expectations as far as the Motherland’s chances were.  This isn’t eSports or Little League baseball, so my hopes for Korea’s participation in the World Cup is usually along the lines of hoping they don’t embarrass themselves, and be the worst team to get sent packing in the first round.

Thanks to the Qatar that didn’t belong there in the first place, and Canada whom I didn’t even know even played futbol in the first place, that’s not going to happen.  Undoubtedly, the team that brings the most dishonor to the World Cup is undoubtedly Germany, whom once again was bounced in groups for the second straight World Cup, with 2014 looking like a historical event from the present.

But not only did Korea not embarrass themselves on the global stage, they didn’t get bounced in groups.  With their incredible 2-1 victory over Portugal, they advance out of groups and into the elimination round of 16, where Brazil awaits, to which that’ll be its own tragedy in its own right, but at least I can have the memories of this day where Korea, once again finishes groups on a high note after starting slow with a draw and a loss in their prior two matches.

I kind of had this hope that Korea could beat Portugal on the logic that with two wins already, and advancement already locked in, the Portuguese really didn’t have to play that hard, and would change things up and play backups, in order to save their stars.  France and Spain paid a similar price, dropping their third matches, and I was hoping that Portugal would join them.

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AEW got to be out of their damn mind

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Much to both my chagrin and dismay, the WWE is basically out of blets that I could possibly want.  For the time being, there are no blets left for them to release, because at this point, just about every single WWE blet in history has been released at some point. 

They could start digging, and begin releasing older WCW and ECW or even AWA and territorial replicas like Jim Crockett or Smoky Mountain.  But instead, they’re making all these gaudy tribute blets as well as for some reason releasing WWE championships with side plates of SEC schools.

Hopefully when they inevitably launch NXT Europe, the inevitable blets will be baller.  Or not, I don’t need any more temptations to suck my spare money, $300-400 at a time.

Because that’s the general price range, if not lower, of what replica wrestling blets should cost.  $599 for one, or the bargain price of $999 for two AEW tag team replica blets??

As the kids these days like to say, the fuck outta here

The thing is, the tag blets are the one AEW championship I like the most.  Aesthetically, as well as fandom wise.  AEW does have outstanding tag team wrestling, and these titles hold more weight in my opinion than any other championship they have currently, and if they weren’t $600, I’d definitely want one. 

I don’t know how AEW can justify having such egregiously priced replicas in the first place, and I’m curious to know how many other blet collectors have any.  Their world title replica is around $800 and I know they released a TNT replica that was also in the $600-700 range.  If I played my cards right, I could probably get three, maybe four WWE replicas, and if I didn’t care about quality, I could probably get like 8-9 Pakistani bootlegs on eBay, including all of the AEW ones.

I know they don’t use the same blet makers as WWE or old Ring of Honor did, and use someone completely different.  I don’t know if they’re not mass producing them overseas like most other replicas not New Japan are, but the bottom line is that it’s causing AEW to have to price them way too fucking high that even the most hardcore of collectors like me don’t want to pay. 

Inevitably, I will eventually want some AEW blet(s), because it doesn’t take a whole lot to inspire me to want a blet.  I’m going to kid myself; as much as I criticize AEW, I do want them to do well, it’s just I think TK is kind of an obnoxious mark, as well as all of the vast majority of their fans.  But with the price point they’re at, it most definitely isn’t going to be any time soon.

H-Mart* is where people act like the pandemic never ended

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The other day, I took my au pair to H-Mart.  She could see what an Asian market was like, we could take the girls out of the house to stave off their boredom, and I could introduce her to some of the more unique foods in the food court.  Plus, ever since I discovered Bibigo’s ez-Korean stews, I wanted to get some more to stash for a rainy day where I’m jonesing for some Korean stew.

We get there, and while we’re walking into the store, I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the customers headed inside, were all masked up.  This was confusing to me, because usually when I’m out and about, I’m usually the only one who still wears a mask in public places.

Sure, it’s finally gotten cold in Georgia, which means it’s the usual cold and flu season on top of the fact that COVID is still all over the fucking place, but that’s never really stopped anyone from arrogantly going into Publix or Target without a mask on these days.  The news can literally mention a new variant or a spike in infections, and people still parade around like it’s 2019 again.  White people, black people, men and women, young and especially old people, just can’t be bothered to mask up anymore these days.

Inside H-Mart, it looked like it was March of 2020 again, with everyone masked up, except there were way more people packed into the store, which was a colossal pain in the ass considering I had a shopping cart and a double stroller for the girls.  But make no mistake, the vast majority of shoppers in the store were masked up, and it wasn’t lost on me the ones that were rocking the heavy duty KN95s instead of more casual cloth or surgical masks.

It didn’t take long to consider what the outlier was, which was the fact that we were at an Asian grocery store.  Sure, forget that H-Mart corporate is based out of New Jersey, and most of the produce they procure is from the same suppliers as most commercial grocery chains in America.  The narrative now begins to feel like the fact that it’s an Asian business with a bunch of chinks and gooks all over the place means that China Virus is clearly wafting around in the air, and all the non-Asian folk will be damned if they are going to risk getting it.

I mean, they could just, not shop at H-Mart, but I suppose their low-priced produce and Korean fried chicken are far too tantalizing to resist, and for these people, it’s worth risking their lives and looking like passive racists.

But hey, if you’re exasperated with people arrogantly not masking up, start going to H-Mart to shop for your groceries instead of Publix or Kroger.  If you’re not Asian you’ll look like a racist, but at least you can shop somewhere where most everyone is finally being careful for a change.

*and presumably any other Asian-run business that non-Asian people like to patronize

Sports have too much fucking money vol. 1,232 feat. Jason Heyward

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Impetus: the Chicago Cubs release Jason Heyward after seven years of his eight-year contract

Between 2008 and 2009, Jason Heyward was one of the most hyped prospects in baseball.  After the 2009 season, he was the de facto #1 prospect in baseball.  In the Spring Training of 2010, Heyward emerged onto the radar of the national spotlight when he clubbed a home run so far, it left the ballpark and shattered the windshield of a car in the parking lot.

He was so good, he forced the Atlanta Braves to put him on the Opening Day roster instead of taking part in the traditional practice of stashing him in the minors for two months in order to ensure that they can keep him for an additional year of indentured servitude known as team control, instead of getting to free agency.

That Opening Day, Jason Heyward took the first step to immortality by launching a three-run home run in his very first at-bat.

To this day, I still consider that day and that moment, one of the most magical sports memories I’ve ever had.

He performed so well through the first few years of his career, it became very apparent that he was going to become problematic in the sense that as he grew closer and closer to free agency, he was going to command a tremendous amount of money, and as any Braves fan can explain, the Braves absolutely do not like to spend money.

The inevitable became fulfilled when the Braves shipped him off to St. Louis for his contract year in exchange for a pitcher who still had team control available to him, and Heyward unsurprisingly put up a monster year for the Cardinals.  He went into free agency in as optimal position as a player really could be in.

And the Chicago Cubs came knocking, as they signed him to an 8-year, $184 million contract.  Jason Heyward had accomplished what just about every professional athlete strives to do; make it to the big leagues and perform well enough to where you can make it to free agency and cash in on a monster megadeal.

But then something interesting happened: Jason Heyward basically forgot how to play baseball.  From the moment he suited up for the Cubs, he was mostly an offensive liability, hitting .245 and OPSing .700 between 2016 and 2022.  Almost all of his value came from the fact that he was still a reliable glove in the outfield, winning two Gold Glove awards.  That, and the fact that as a person, Jason Heyward has always been a pretty outstanding human being, personable, polite, philanthropic, and just a great teammate, as many of his peers have attested.

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David Chang has apparently gone full Gusteau

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Over the last week or so, I’ve been getting inundated with ads for David Chang’s (endorsed) air-dried noodles, which effectively has taken David Chang from being a well-known restauranteur and into the arena of an actual home cooking brand. 

I have this love-hate opinion of David Chang, because when I first heard of him, I thought he was this weeb that sold out his Korean heritage by opening a restaurant called Momofuku.  But then I learned that not only did he grow up in the same area I did in Virginia, one of my cousins has classes with him in high school, adding to the parallels I felt I had with him in this self-loathing manner.  But then I really did enjoy his first Netflix series, Ugly Delicious, because it was a well-produced series that had a lot of heart and soul in it.  But then anything he did afterward turned into this cringey star-fucking humblebrag, because of his increasing celebrity, so I’m mostly at this 60/40 scale of thinking he’s uncool, because anonymous people on the internet’s opinions totally matter.

Never mind that the product is about the whitest alternative to instant ramen there possibly could be, and their marketing pitch strategy that seems to think people are choosing to eat these 17¢ pucks of freeze dried noodles in pure salt water because they have a financial choice, and that “at ~$4 a meal” buying Momofuckyou air-dried noodles are a superior alternative.  Or that we’re supposed to believe that Chang himself was actually involved in “ten years of flavor research” when the guy is a few years older than I am, which would imply that he actually had any time at all in his early 30s to give a fuck about how to make a more white people friendly version of instant ramen.

It’s that by entering the world of producing DIY home cooking products, David Chang has basically turned into Gusteau from Ratatouille, spring-boarding his restaurant brand and celebrity status into a cheesy food brand.  Sure, it will in all likelihood make him richer beyond my capable dreams, but on the less-significant and internet coolness side of things, make him kind of a lame sell-out. 

Obviously I’m of the belief that such is always the goal of those who achieve fame, because securing the financial freedom for your family and possibly the generation(s) beyond you is always more important than what strangers think of you.  But I really wanted to make the comparison of David Chang to Gusteau, because it’s what I think he’s on the cusp of doing. 

Sure, Gusteau is dead [spoiler-alert] and it’s his crooked sous chef selling him out, but if Chang decides to go beyond noodles, and starts trying to sell DIY Indian food or soul food or Caribbean food, then he’s basically a real-life Korean Gusteau, worthy of having a series of tasteless cardboard cutouts of him wearing stereotypical garb of various nationalities.

Either way, I’m sure the internet and their endless parade of algorithms will know that I’ve got any opinion of David Chang at all, and when he inevitably releases Momofuckyou’s DIY chicken tikka masala, I’ll be ready and waiting to photoshop his head on Dhalsim’s body for an I-told-you-motherfuckers-so brog post.

Someone pinch me

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

No freaking way: Wawa convenience stores to begin opening stores in Georgia starting by 2024

Man, if anyone were to tell me that in the mid-2020s, Georgia would have Buc-ee’s, Tim Hortons and Wawas, I’d tell them that they were out of their minds.  Buc-ee’s is Texas’s thing, Tim Hortons is all of Canada’s thing, and Wawas were like this VA/MD/PA and central FL thing, and there was absolutely no reason to believe that any one of those companies would have any business coming to fucking Georgia, in the southeastern United States of ‘Murica.

And yet, here we stand where by 2024, the humble state of Georgia, run by Yosemite Sam, and on the cusp of having a braindead former football player be an actual senator of the state, will be home to some of the most dominant brands in convenient road food in the western hemisphere.

Like seriously, is there anywhere else more fortunate than Georgia is going to be once Wawa gets here, when it comes to being a place to be able to get beaver nuggets, iced capps and gobbler hoagies?  Florida has Buc-ee’s and Wawa.  Pretty sure Tim Hortons left PA, which means all they have are Wawa.  But for Georgia to be privy to all three of these cult-status brands?  Pretty incredible.

It’s like every time I get slammed in traffic, and I curse the state and ask why I live here?  I’ll have to hope I live somewhat reasonably distanced to all three of these businesses to where I’ll have my immediate answer to why I still live here.  Hopefully closer than Buc-ee’s is, and it’ll be a jump ball if both Wawa and Timmy’s are nearby.  When the day is over, the iced capps will probably be my most frequent purchase, but I’ll be damned if Wawa doesn’t become an immediate routine meal option if there’s one within remote convenient distance.

Any team that wants to move a metric ton of merch needs to sign Steeve Ho You Fat

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Today o’clock I learned that there is actually a guy on the planet Earth named “Steeve Ho You Fat.”  Normally, I’d criticize the fact that there appeared to be an extra E in “Steve,” but when your family name is somehow, “Ho You Fat,” his first name could’ve been spelled “Steeeeeevuh” and nobody would probably have noticed.

Like, I have no earthly idea how this is even possible.  The first line of defense is that “he’s French,” but obviously a name like Ho You Fat even raises eyebrows in the land of the frogs.  Digging a little deeper, it should seem obvious that French colonization probably had something to do with it, but from what I can glaze over, he’s of mixed descent and somehow has the name Ho You Fat as a family name.

Either way, the fact that he’s a 14-year veteran playing in the NBA G-League, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s ever going to get the call up to the big leagues any time soon. But honestly the fact that this guy’s name is a literal golden ticket to move a metric fuckton of merch in jerseys and shirseys should get this guy onto a roster for any team that wants to bank on his incredibly profitable name.

Seriously, he could easily be the 13th man on any NBA roster, the guy that’s always listed as being on injured reserve, or better yet, be the mascot player that only gets onto the court when the team is either up by 20 or down by 20 in the fourth quarter.  No matter if they’re at home or on the road, the crowd would undoubtedly erupt at the sight of Ho You Fat taking the court, and people in the crowd left and right would be whipping out their phones to check on the legitimacy of his name, and if they haven’t already, they’re purchasing merch with his name on it, or running to the clubhouse store and grabbing Ho You Fat gear off the shelves.

Considering most teams’ seasons are decidedly over by December, there’s absolutely no harm for any of these teams to take a flyer on Ho You Fat and just make a mission of making as much profit through merchandise sales as possible.  If you can’t win on the court, might as well try to win in the bank instead.