The KBO should really just tell ESPN to fuck off

It’s no shock that in the midst of a global pandemic, ESPN is getting starved out when it comes to having live content.  They can’t broadcast NBA, they can’t broadcast MLB.  They can’t even broadcast minor league variants of either.  No hockey, no spring football scrimmages, there’s not even any collegiate soccer, baseball or even fucking ultimate frisbee or Quiddich to show.

And with no sports to talk about, their excessive lineup of talking head shows have no real reason to air, although they’re still managing to squeeze out a regular schedule of circle-jerking/talking about the NFL, justifying my nickname for ESPN being NFL Network Ocho.

In fact, ESPN has gotten so desperate for content, that they’ve even resulted in broadcasting basically YouTube clips of things such as competitive Tetris, among other eSports, mixed in between a cavalcade of “classic” games, in an attempt to draw any sort of ratings. 

It goes without saying that no matter how much original content ESPN can produce, they’re still nothing without there being any actual sports to broadcast or at least talk about.  Once The Last Dance airs its last episode, there’s really going to be nothing left for anyone to have any reason to tune into ESPN afterward.

Luckily for them, there are actual great countries out there in the world, like Korea and Taiwan, who have withstood their own coronavirus onslaughts and are way more on the mend and road to recovery than America is.  And among the things returning to normalcy for them is live baseball, with the Korean Baseball Organization and the Chinese Professional Baseball League both announcing that they are going to be starting their baseball seasons in May; granted, they’re going to be empty stadiums at first, but it stands to believe that as things improve, fans will eventually be allowed in.  But it’s certainly more progress than suggesting all MLB personnel go into a bio-dome in Phoenix and play a condensed season in one city over four months.

So over the last few weeks, there’s been intermittent news about how ESPN has reached out to both the KBO and the CBPL, and testing the waters to see there was any interest in making arrangements to have Korean and/or Taiwanese baseball broadcast globally (really just America).  To no surprise, both are definitely interested, why wouldn’t they want to have their product draw interest overseas, and perhaps earn some respect that’s typically reserved for glorious Nippon-anything because America is full of filthy weeaboos.

However, a massive speed bump in negotiations has basically been the fact that ESPN doesn’t want to pay anything for the rights to internationally broadcast KBO, claiming that they should really just be grateful that they’re being given the opportunity to gain exposure outside of their native country.

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Welp, so much for flattening the curve

I’ve long since stopped using the phrase “just when I thought people couldn’t possibly get any dumber,” because no matter what flabbergasting things in the world people do, they can always inexplicably find a way to do something dumber.  No. Matter. What.

In spite of the fact that Georgia, much less the rest of America is nowhere close to being on the path to being remotely similar to South Korea or Taiwan in terms of fighting coronavirus, our idiot governor Yosemite Sam, has decided that the stay-at-home ordinance is going to be lifted so that certain types of businesses can open reopen and get back to work; as in people go out of your homes into the world that has a potentially deadly airborne virus floating all over the place and get back to fucking work for the sake of the economy at the risk of your literal lives.

Before we even get to the list of approved businesses, let’s just opine about how recklessly horrible this decision is.

Despite the fact that Georgia ranks in the top-10 states in worst coronavirus numbers, they’re basically scrambling to get to the front of the line in regards to encouraging people to leave their homes, go out amongst other people and put themselves at increased risk; in order to get back to work.

Because the economy needs it. 

So go put yourselves in danger.  Because money

Anyway, let’s take a look at the businesses that will be opening within the next week:

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People can’t get over their disrespect for wrestling to realize there are many worse options

When this story came out about how the Baked Potato in Charge appointed Vince McMahon among other leaders of sports organizations to some think tank of how to revitalize the US economy, numerous Facebook friends shared it in the typical “ha ha look at what stupid shit the baked potato did now” kind of attitude that the landscape of social media among people my age tend to operate.

It felt like I was being baited to debate over it based on how many people were posting the link, with the flippant ridicule at the tips of their tongues.  Now as much as I want to heroically say that I never took it, I did, to the first friend who posted it; naturally, sticking up for anything that the Baked Potato in Charge does means I’m an asshole, and it didn’t take long for some person I didn’t know to snidely remark to me, but I got the last word in and decided to take this offline to where I can really explain my opinions without strangers flapping their e-gums at me.

Sure, I get it, the headline itself does sound ripe for criticism given the types of people that the Baked Potato in Charge and the chairman of the WWE are.  But what really got on my nerves was not just people shitting on professional wrestling because “it’s a fake sport,” but the fact that so many people have such blatant disrespect for professional wrestling that they aren’t capable of actually realizing that maybe Vince McMahon really isn’t that horrific of a choice, and that if anyone took two seconds to get over the whole wrestling thing, might actually realize that there’s an avalanche of far worse people to bring aboard as an advisor to stimulate an economy.

Vince McMahon is absolutely no saint, he’s perceived as an egomaniacal tyrant who is kind of racist, kind of sexist, kind of size-ist (if there’s such a thing as someone who discriminates against non-roided up freaks of nature).  But the reality is that most people can’t delineate between the on-screen persona of Vince the Asshole Boss, and the off-screen Vince McMahon, owner and chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment.

The latter is a shrewd businessman who has operated the WWF/E for four decades and has steered his ship through several generations of fans and the changes of the time that come and go with them.  He’s kept his business afloat through numerous scandals, allegations and criticisms when it came to drugs, steroids, concussions, among others.  And he not only revolutionized professional wrestling, he brought it into the mainstream, constantly evolved it, and continues to grow and expand.

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A 2020 MLB Arizona-only short season: greed personified

I know that over the last few years, baseball has definitely fallen pretty hard in terms of priorities in my life, but it’s still my favorite sport, and I’ll always have an ear to the ground in regards to it.  I’ll also include that the lack of the pomp and circumstance of the Opening Day that didn’t happen is mostly lost on me, because of the whole, having a baby owning my life from here on until the indefinite future, but it’s still a sad state of affairs that this is the time of the year in which baseball should be shining the brightest, but thanks to coronavirus, is nowhere to be seen.

Naturally, within the inner workings of baseball and their respective organizations, there are massive repercussions to not having a season; fans don’t get to enjoy watching the national pastime, ballparks all across the country sit dormant as the beautiful spring days and nights come and go, and of course, there are billions of dollars being lost all across the board from there being no baseball.

Ballparks large and small, major league, minor league, semi-pro, etc, make no money on parking, concessions and tickets when there is no baseball.  The local economies that house and surround said ballparks also feel the pinch from there being no focal point to draw traffic to them.  People who work in the ballparks and any businesses that rely on baseball to bring in money, end up suffering and worse, jobless as a result.

And when everything culminates, above all else, the owners, investors and other partners who run baseball organizations and the teams themselves, aren’t making money when there’s no baseball being played.

What’s kind of messed up is that baseball players, are still getting paid in spite of the shutdown.  For doing jack shit nothing at this point, as they can’t really train, since the places they’d go train at are all also shutdown.  Sure, the Bryce Harpers and the Manny Machados aren’t going to be getting their full $30M+ salaries for the year, but it’s reported that quite a few players are making up to $143K a week for doing the aforementioned nothing.

But anyway, the point of this post comes from some news that’s been bubbling over the last few weeks about how Major League Baseball is kicking an idea around, that would attempt to get baseball back onto the field as soon as possible, even if it had some really extreme guidelines about it.

Basically, in this proposal, the entire 2020 MLB season would take place over the span of 4-5 months starting in July or August and go through presumably November.  But here’s the real crazy part of it: all 30 teams would be playing in various stadiums all across Arizona.  And possibly Florida.  Or maybe just Arizona.  The point is, MLB wants to play as much of an entire season as possible in either just Arizona, or they’ll do Arizona and Florida and use the Spring Training Cactus and Grapefruit leagues as two divisions and then mash together a World Series at presumably a neutral site.

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FEH’s game pass subscription is more like MEH

When I first heard that Fire Emblem: Heroes was introducing a monthly subscription “Feh Pass,” my initial reaction was more like, not mad… just disappointed.

I mean, there’s little reason to get mad about a gatcha game introducing more ways to make more money, because when the day is over, the ultimate goal of every gatcha game is to make money.  But like most F2P mobile games I ever come across, my goal is to always spend as little or no money at all.  At the very moment I’m writing this, I’ve played both Pokémon Go and Fire Emblem: Heroes consistently since their respective launch dates, and I’ve spent approximately a total of $14.99 in total.  Yet, I’ve gotten tons of enjoyment and have pretty stacked accounts in both games, mostly out of longevity, but the point is that I haven’t spent much money but still gotten just about all that I’ve wanted from them.

FEH has always kind of had kind of a pay2win methodology available at all times prior to the introduction of the Feh Pass, but it was still required to have some skill in the game’s mechanics, as well as the luck of the draw of actually getting the random characters that you’re aiming for.  But the Feh Pass, by virtue of giving those who pay for it an actual statistical stat boost, now un-levels the playing field, and truly becomes a game where you can buy superiority over players that do not.

However, I’m actually writing this after the launch of Feh Pass, and aside from the fact that I’ll always have this annoying glorified ad trying to get me to pay for a Feh Pass, in order to cash in on some rewards I’ve already fulfilled the requisite tasks for, it hasn’t really been all too intrusive to my every day playing of FEH.  I imagine that will change in time, as Feh Pass subscribers begin amassing more and more subscription exclusive character variants with stat boosts, and then I’ll start running into them in modes like Arena and Aether Raids, but for the time being, it hasn’t affected me yet.

Regardless of the inevitability of things like this, I’m still a little disappointed in FEH for going down this route.  It’s already basically the most lucrative mobile game in Nintendo’s portfolio, so to me this is like them just being greedy on top of being already greedy.  It’s not going to stop me from playing the game, but now I’ve got this automatic instant resentment for Feh Passers, and I’m looking forward to taking down these whales with my Klein+10 and three dancers cheese method.

Chalk this up under whyyyy????

For some reason, The Karate Kid is being adapted into a Broadway musical.  I have to ask again: whyyyyy????

The obvious answer is probably that Robert Mark Kamen, the original screenwriter, probably needs the money.  The fact that it’s been 36 years since 1984, and it’s hard to imagine anyone living forever on the royalties of just one series; and with the recent successes of the Cobra Kai spin-off, it’s probably been no better time than the present to sell out the rights to go Broadway.

But still, my knee-jerk reaction to the news that one of the most iconic films of the 80s, is just now headed for Broadway, for a musical rendition.  Sure, the story is simple and linear enough to turn into a musical, but it just seems like a hokey sellout to imagine particular scenes in the film being danced and theatrically performed instead of the gritty, Ralph Macchio-has-no-real-talent versus a legitimately-can-fight-William-Zabka, like on the beach, or at the finals of the All-Valley Under-18 Karate Tournament.

The eventual training montage, which are basically musicals in their own right, will be replaced by a more over-the-top dance rendition of whatever schlub they get to play Daniel, dancing around, occasionally flailing his legs in whatever they’re going to consider kicks, and I’m going to cringe at just the thought, because I highly doubt that there’s a chance that I’ll actually see it; I don’t have any objection to Broadway or theatre in general, but I do bristle at the idea of the properties of my childhood all one-by-one being exploited and re-imagined in wildly conflicting mediums.

But more importantly, don’t get me started on whatever inevitably-will-be-racist guy they get to play Mr. Miyagi.  The true heart and soul of the entire series, whether it’s a Japanese guy that’s probably not old enough to portray the character, but is cast anyway because of his ability to dance and move, or whether they whitewash the role and give it to like fucking Henry Golding, it’s a no-win situation waiting to happen when they cast Mr. Miyagi, and it’s going to make me nauseated at the idea of some wildly inappropriate looking motherfucker playing what should be the late great Pat Morita.

Long story short, this doesn’t need to exist.  But because nothing is allowed to stay in the past, or isn’t sold to the nostalgia bastardization machine, here we are.  I question why this even needed to become a thing, but honestly, I can’t say that I’m the least bit surprised that it is, unfortunately.

Well, at least it’s no longer called ScumTrust Park

Shocker of the century: Truist Park becomes the name of the new stadium after the merger between SunTrust and BB&T

Welp, nobody saw that one coming.  And by nobody, I means every single fucking person in Atlanta with a pulse knew that it was going to be Truist Park in the end.

No matter how great it would’ve been if Waffle House swooped in and usurped the naming rights to the stadium, and called it “The Waffle House, home of the Braves.”  Or if the ballpark decided to honor the greatest power hitter of all time and called it like “Hank Aaron Field,” everyone and their mother knew it was going to end up as some soulless, corporate stooge of a name, and once it was announced that the merged bank was going to be called Truist, it was only a matter of time before this obvious news was going to be announced.

The best part is that in spite of the obvious, these corporate stiffs all took the time and resources to make an event of it, justifying the claims of obvious corporate circle jerking.  As if an unveiling was actually needed, anyone with a brain knew the name and what the logo was going to look like before any sort of curtain was ever put on a pedestal.

The sad thing is that no matter all the clowning that Citi Field got when they unveiled, Truist Park is worse.  Sure, the Citi Field logo looked like a Domino’s logo, but at least it was still somewhat attempting to look like base paths and relate to baseball.  Truist Park looks like an Epcot reject with an emblem that looks like the ominous symbol seen on the episode of Black Mirror about the White Bear.

And no clever nickname can be applied to something as lame as “Truist.”  Or ScumTrust for that matter.  Turner Field was often referred to as “the Ted” based on the original ownership, but nothing can really be applied to these bullshit corporate names.

Regardless, in spite of the dunking I want to do about Truist Park, at least when the day is over it’s no longer called SunTrust.  Despite the fact that the bank itself isn’t necessarily dead, the lack of identity helps mask their bullshit, and I can probably stomach actually going to a game in the future once my kid gets here, and daddy wants to take his daughter to her very first baseball game.