Tag: holidays

Advent Beer #17: Alpen Stoff by Bürgerbräu Bad Reichenhall

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m not a fan of IPAs.  They’re bitter, they taste like piss, and it’s obnoxious that every microbrew and craft beer maker in the country makes their name off of some signature IPA.  Every home brewer seems to make an IPA, and from what I understand, it’s mostly because IPAs are some of the easiest beers to manufacture, which is why everyone who makes beer always tries to put their own twist on an IPA, when to people like me they’re all basically goat piss in the end.

When I first took a pull of Alpen Stoff, my taste buds triggered my mind to go “oh no, it’s like an IPA,” but before the thought could really finish, the bitter note at the end of it came to an abrupt ending, right before the point where I’d go “fuck I hate IPAs” but not before I could identify the bitter note at the very end.

So it kind of tasted like an IPA, but without that piss-like bitterness at the very end that usually makes me resent IPAs in the first place.  According to BeerAdvocate, this is classified as a lager, but what the fuck do I know about classifications beyond a rudimentary level, but I would’ve pegged this as an ale, since it kind of tasted like an IPA without being complete shit.  It definitely has a grassy, hoppy flavor to it which makes me think that, but I guess it was fairly smooth and fairly light-bodied like a good lager.

Ultimately, it’s not my favorite beer of the month so far, and I’d definitely slot this in the lower half of my rankings, but when the day is over, I feel like I want to give it some credit for almost tasting like an IPA, but being one that was actually palatable to me, and taking out just enough properties of a shitty IPA to make it remotely drinkable.

I also realize that I’ve made enough allusions to drinking piss to the point where I must actually disclaim that I’ve never drank piss in my life, of any species.  Unless you count IPAs, because they’re basically the same thing, and I’d frankly find more satisfaction in saving my taste buds and my digestive system the trouble by just pouring them down a urinal instead of drinking them.

Current Rankings:

  1. Bären Weisse (#16)
  2. First Coral (#2)
  3. Kirta (#5)
  4. Turbo Prop (#6)
  5. Schwarze Tinte (#13)
  6. Perlenzauber (#9)
  7. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
  8. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  9. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  10. Alpen Stoff (#17)
  11. Grandl (#11)
  12. Altbairisch Hell (#15)
  13. Hell (#1)
  14. Tannen Hell (#8)
  15. Tradition (#10)
  16. Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee (#14)
  17. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #16: Bären Weisse by Privatbrauerei H. Egerer

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

When I was but a n00b to drinking, one of the very first things that I really took a liking to was wheat beers.  Hefeweizens.  It started with the hefeweizens at Ellis Island Casino in Las Vegas, one of my favorite places on the planet, and it didn’t hurt that they were free, plentiful, and served by a super cougar of a waitress, as long as I was continuing to piss away cash at $5 blackjack or playing Mermaid’s Gold penny slots.

Now by now I’ve tried all sorts of other drinks, spirits and beers, but when the day is over, I’m still fond of hefeweizens.  Sours, hard seltzers, goses and other things can come and hold my attention for periods of time, but I’ll always remember that some of my earliest loves were wheat beers.

When I pulled today’s beer out of the fridge and saw this silhouette of a bear on it, for some reason I felt optimistic before I saw any text at all.  I don’t know why, but incorporating animals into the designs of things always curries my favor; maybe it’s because animals are better than people, or I just like seeing animals on my products.

Regardless, seeing the word “Weisse” was enough for me to know that this was going to be a hefeweizen, and be optimistic about it.  Cracking it open and pouring it into my glass, I’m greeted by a cloudy, caramel colored brew with a light aroma that’s kind of fruity.

At first sip, I’m greeted by a lot of flavors that’s kind of spicy, kind of banana-ey, but it’s not too heavy, and goes down smooth.  I’m reminded heavily of Shotgun Betty by Lonerider Brewery, which is one that I’m very fond of, so this is very much a compliment.

In fact, it’s such a compliment, I would dare say that this has been my favorite beer in the entire collection thus far, and has taken the #1 spot from First Coral after two weeks.  It’s a delicious beer that is easily remembered, has a very easy comparison for me to recollect how much I liked it, and there’s this fucking bear on the can that I dig.  Seeing “Bären” also reminds me of that scene from Inglorious Basterds where Hitler is talking about the Bear Jew and I remember hearing the phrase “Bären” from it.  Yes, it’s little things like that, that make easy mnemonic devices to help me remember stuff like a really awesome beer.

Current Rankings:

  1. Bären Weisse (#16)
  2. First Coral (#2)
  3. Kirta (#5)
  4. Turbo Prop (#6)
  5. Schwarze Tinte (#13)
  6. Perlenzauber (#9)
  7. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
  8. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  9. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  10. Grandl (#11)
  11. Altbairisch Hell (#15)
  12. Hell (#1)
  13. Tannen Hell (#8)
  14. Tradition (#10)
  15. Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee (#14)
  16. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #15: Altbairisch Hell by Bürgerliches Brauhaus

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Does “hell” mean something in Deutsch than it does in English?  Because this is literally the third “hell” bier that I’ve come across over the last 15 days, and I can’t imagine that there’s such a fascination with the unholy underworld that there’d be this many beers named after it in the first place.  A cursory Google translate shows that the word “héll” in Deutsch means “bright,” and I’m wondering if all these hell beers are referring to the fact that they’ve all been fairly light in color, and not that these are biers suited for the dark afterlives in actual, fire and brimstone, devil with a pitchfork, hell-hell, despite the fact that all of them seemed to have been missing the accent mark over the E.

Anyway, as for this hell, by some brewery that I’m renaming Burgerlick Brewhouse, wasn’t a bad brew, but at the same time, it wasn’t anything particularly memorable.  It tasted fine, but doesn’t stand out, but more importantly, it doesn’t have any poor negative after tastes or flavor notes that make it fall further in my rankings.

It seems very fitting that a bier such as this one fell on a Tuesday, because whether it was deliberate or not, it tasted just like a beer on a Tuesday should taste; necessary but forgettable, not great, but at least it’s not a Monday.  Now I know that’s about as shitty of a description as they get, but it’s really to say that it’s not great, but it really could be worse.  Ranking it #10 out of 15 days is indicative of that attitude, but under the right perspective, one could say it’s on top . . . of the bottom third of the rankings.

It’s an easy beer to drink, and much like the other hell biers I’ve tried, they’re of a lighter body, and at least the case of Burgerlick, I could easily settle down with Altbairsch hell, and drink 2-3 of them to get a nice buzz, but while doing so, wishing that I had something slightly more exciting.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Schwarze Tinte (#13)
  5. Perlenzauber (#9)
  6. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
  7. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  8. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  9. Grandl (#11)
  10. Altbairisch Hell (#15)
  11. Hell (#1)
  12. Tannen Hell (#8)
  13. Tradition (#10)
  14. Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee (#14)
  15. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #14: Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee by Schlossbrauerei Herrngiersdorf

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Yup, copy/pasted that, because no way I’m retyping that much Deutsch.

As someone who definitely judges books by their covers, I have to say that this is probably the worst can design I’ve seen over the last two weeks.  I literally got up from writing to go look at the collection of cans that I’ve held onto in the event that I want to take one last parting picture, and yup confirmed, this is the worst, and most boring can design that I’ve come across during this journey.

Two logos, three different accent colors, a fuckton of boring text on white, it literally looks like the design of this can was created in Microsoft Word.

Here’s the thing though; this could be an overblown introduction judging the aesthetics of the can, and then turning it around to where I was blown away by the contents of said can, or the eye test can justify the importance of visuals, and the bier actually is as lame as the design of the can hints that it might be.

In the case of Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvée, which is a mouthful of a name that makes me think this beer thinks it’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man’s name to overwrite her own hence the hyphenated name, the design of the can is more indicative of the quality of the beer than a situation where I shouldn’t be judging books by their covers.

The initial taste is actually pretty decent; it’s light, a touch of hops that makes me wish ‘Murican brewers would stop going so overboard with the hops, so they can continuously make the hoppiest IPA in the country, and it’s got a fairly light and refreshing initial flavor.

But man, I don’t know how to describe the finish, there’s a long lingering aftertaste after the end of every sip that I’m finding rather unpleasant.  I don’t know if it would be considered malty, or what, but it’s that sewer-water flavor at the end that hangs on way too long, to where I found myself taking long pulls and larger gulps, just so I can finish this sooner rather than savor it to enjoy it.

Needless to say, the early flavor is the only thing that keeps this from being the bottom of the barrel for me, but that’s not really saying that much.  It’s definitely one of the lesser quality beers in the collection, but given the fact that this was a beer for a Monday, it seems appropriate that it’s kind of drab.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Schwarze Tinte (#13)
  5. Perlenzauber (#9)
  6. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
  7. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  8. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  9. Grandl (#11)
  10. Hell (#1)
  11. Tannen Hell (#8)
  12. Tradition (#10)
  13. Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee (#14)
  14. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #13: Schwarze Tinte by Tölzer Mühlfeldbräu

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Can I just first say that I’m sick to death of these fucking southern winters where we have like a week of 20-30 degree weather, the heat is pumping, everyone is nice and cozy in their hoodies, sweaters and blankets, and I’m forced to drip faucets overnight, so my shit doesn’t freeze, but then days later we’re back up into the 60s, touching 70, and I’m forced to turn the air conditioning back on because my kid is waking up from being too hot.  Especially when I’m looking at the forecast of the upcoming week, and it’s supposed to plunge back down into the 30s in like two days.

It astounds me but it doesn’t how people actually believe climate change doesn’t exist and then it makes me think about Storm from the X-Men and how her character must be written these days, in the age of climate change and the earth itself fucking with her powers on a regular basis.  Makes me wonder if up in Westchester, Storm’s phone is always blowing up when people are getting pissed about the seasons not acting like the seasons they’re supposed to be, and trying to get Storm to fix it.

Anyway, it was just yesterday that I posed the question, does Deutschland even do stouts or porters, and then today’s can answering the question, immediately.  Schwarze Tinte, didn’t even have to add the “collab stout” for me to realize that this was probably going to be a stout, with a can design that looks like it was designed by Scott Hall, adorned in black with gooey drippy patterns on it, that I would have to imagine that this had to be a dark beer of some sort.

It pours out looking like a cola, and is a lot lighter bodied than I’d imagine from a stout, but the flavor hits just right where it’s stout-y but doesn’t have that hard coffee-like bitter note at the very end and instead phases out leaving my mouth feeling sweet, but not really syrupy.

Needless to say, this ranks in the upper third of my subjective rankings, and my knee-jerk reaction was to place it 3rd overall.  But compared with Turbo Prob, the Noble Pils clone that I was very enamored with, when push came to shove, and I was presented with both options to pick one, I still think I’d pick Turbo Prop over, since I feel like that was a beer that can really be had at any time of the year, where my personal preference for stouts and porters, are that they’re best in the fall and winter, but not nearly as desirable come warmer weather.

Then again, I’ve been in a t-shirt pretty much all day today, so it’s been pretty obnoxiously fucking warm for 12 days away from Christmas.

But it turns out Deutschland does do stouts, and to no shocker, they’re pretty good at those too.  Prost!

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Schwarze Tinte (#13)
  5. Perlenzauber (#9)
  6. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
  7. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  8. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  9. Grandl (#11)
  10. Hell (#1)
  11. Tannen Hell (#8)
  12. Tradition (#10)
  13. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #12: Loncium Vienna Style Lager by Privatbrauerei Loncium

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

My first thought when I pulled this can out of the fridge was that this was definitely, had to be, a stout, porter or whatever dark beers there are out there. I mean the whole thing is as brown as a bar of chocolate with accents of other shades of brown on it. But then I’m examining the can and all the brown on brown and amidst all the words that can be made out is “Vienna style lager.”

A lager? This brown ass can? Then my thoughts wondered on if there were even porters, stouts or dark beers even available in Deutschland.

In spite of the completely misleading can design, out pours a rich amber bier that is completely unexpected based on the way the can looks. Clearly, German aesthetics play by a completely different set of rules and fuck you for being presumptuous.

As stated, it’s a lager, Vienna style. And I realize that I don’t have a tremendous amount of experience with Viennese bier, despite the fact that I’ve been there before. It was Christmas time when mythical then-gf and I visited Wien, so we actually drank more mulled wine from boot-shaped mugs than anything else, but I do remember that we had some beer at a really really good schnitzel restaurant we went to, but it didn’t really stand out too much.

Either way, this beer by some private brewery named Loncium, is very good. It’s not too bitter, it’s smooth and not too light but not too heavy either. It goes down smooth, and despite my fairly basic description of it, it’s just that, fairly basic, but it’s done so well that I feel no hesitation at ranking it in the upper half of my subjective novice rankings.

Looking at more information about this beer, it appears that the company doesn’t even produce this beer anymore, which is a shame, because it’s really quite good. Whenever I go to a place like Total Wine or one of those booze Walmarts that has a ton of foreign beers, I’d actually feel inclined to look for this if I were in the mood for snooty foreign beer.

Regardless, we’re halfway through the calendar, and I still don’t feel burnt out by this nightly writing, nor do I feel the need to cop out or cheat (yet). With 12 more days left, let’s hope I can continue on with this, and I can honestly say that almost all of these beers were good in their own ways, with me enjoying nearly all of them, except maybe the last 2-3.

Current Rankings:
1. First Coral (#2)
2. Kirta (#5)
3. Turbo Prop (#6)
4. Perlenzauber (#9)
5. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
6. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
7. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
8. Grandl (#11)
9. Hell (#1)
10. Tannen Hell (#8)
11. Tradition (#10)
12. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #11: Grandl by Ankerbräu Nördlingen

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Eleven days in, I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t really know much about beer, and that I most certainly judge books by their covers.  That said, I had optimistic hopes for tonight’s beer as I’ve been not having the greatest time with job these days and drinking on Fridays always seems like a good idea after a long week of work, and I was wondering if whomever put together this advent calendar had the wherewithal to put some quality beers on the Fridays of the calendar, because it’s not like they wouldn’t be able to look at a calendar to know when they are.

So when I pulled Grandl out of the fridge, I was pleased to see a fairly traditional, nondescript beer can design that reminded me of a throwback style like a Miller High Life can or like the Milwaukee Brewers typeface, which are kind of the same things considering Miller’s influence with the Brew Crew.

But anyway it’s almost like this can was a metaphor for the beer itself, because out of the can came a clean, golden lager with not a lot of aroma.  The first sips were positive, but not really blown away; everything about this beer seemed pretty no-nonsense, nothing special, but at the same time not at all bad, and very drinkable.

The fact that BeerAdvocate lists this as simply “lager” and not like “festlager” or “alleybier” or “kellerbrau” or some other weird classification I’d never heard of until embarking on this journey, brings everything back to earth for something simple, basic, yet perfectly adequate.

Sure, it’s not bursting with flavor like Turbo Prop (#6) or has the explosive characteristics of a good dunkel like Kirta (#5), but it’s still a classic, smooth beer that goes down smooth, doesn’t overstimulate my novice pallet, and is something I know I could drink 2-3 of without breaking a sweat.

Either way, I’m gassed.  I found myself already beginning to fall asleep at 8:45, while trying to watch Scrooge virtually with some friends, but such shouldn’t be a surprise considering I’m raising an infant that’s up by 6:30 every morning.  And I thought I was all ahead of the curve by knocking out all of my daily chores and running earlier in the day that I’d be able to have a ton of time to myself to wind down the evening, but now all I want to do is go to bed before 11 pm and actually feel like I can get some sleep, so this review is about as long as most of the other beer reviews but is in fact full of fluff and talking about how I’m wrapping this up but overall, Grandl was solid, refreshing, and it’s general position in the rankings don’t do it justice as much as it shows where it stands to other beers with stronger gimmicks and more memorability.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Perlenzauber (#9)
  5. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  6. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  7. Grandl (#11)
  8. Hell (#1)
  9. Tannen Hell (#8)
  10. Tradition (#10)
  11. Käuzle (#3)