NBC NY: high school in Long Island has 21 valedictorians
When I came across this story, the very first thing I noticed was the supporting image of the 21 kids all slated to be valedictorians of Jericho High School’s 2026 graduation class, was the obvious fact that there wasn’t a single, non-Asian continent face among them
I phrase my terminology deliberately because they’re not all just East Asians, but some that are from Central Asian countries, but the point is that it’s low hanging fruit to solely point out the obvious notion that when it comes to tryharding, nobody does it better than those from Asia.
But then I thought to myself, man, how much does it suck to live in the Jericho High school zone; from the students’ perspective, it’s like no matter how good you think you were, there were 21 uber-achievers who never for a second let their foot off the gas since starting high school, and purportedly all somehow managed to get nearly identical perfect marks throughout their HS careers.
Among the 21 valedictorians, there’s got to be a tremendous amount of angst, jealousy, frustration and general animosity that none of them would admit to, but probably feels, on account of the fact that they worked their asses off for four years, and not only were they denied the honor of being the sole valedictorian, but gave to share it with not just one or two other achievers, but twenty other motherfuckers who tryharded just as much as they did.
And of course, let’s not forget the parents of these 21 tryhards, all of them being of various Asian descents, all of them wanting to be able to brag and micro-aggress to their peers and relatives over the intelligence and success of their kids, and being completely unable to, because thanks to the news and stories like this, most are probably innately aware that their outstanding child is nothing special because twenty other tryhards matched them in their abilities to tryhard.
All the same, I feel like I have to call bullshit on this whole thing. I have a hard time believing that 21 kids all got the exact same grade, and I feel like even if they did, there should’ve been all sorts of tiebreakers in place to weed out one true deserving valedictorian instead of crowning 21 nerds with participation trophies.
Like maybe the bar is lower than suspected, but there’s no way 21 kids all got like 97.83% on their aggregate grades, and even if they did, surely some of them had to have various extracurriculars and affiliations that would make them stand out among their academic peers. Like if Johnny Tran and Vindaloo Nagrani both had exact grades, but Tran was a part of two clubs while Nagrani wasn’t, then it’s an easy tie breaker in my opinion there.
No way everyone had identical qualifications to that granularity, and I feel like naming 21 kids all as valedictorians is a lazy and diluted honor, and none of these kids should really feel special because if they’re all valedictorians, then nobody is.
It makes me think of the episode of Saved by the Bell, where Jessie Spano thought she was a shoe-in for valedictorian but it turned out that Screech actually had a few decimal points on her, and until he ceded the role to her, he was the de facto valedictorian. Of course, the episode ends with somehow hidden genius Zack Morris speaking at the podium because of course he did but the point remains that when it comes to selecting a valedictorian, it really is serious business to the very end.
But speaking of these 21 kids, talk about how disappointing of a life it must have been, work hard, all gas no brakes, only to be lumped in with a bunch of others. 21 kids all living lives generally forfeit of high school hijinx, social lives, and being general teenagers, only to be stonewalled at the finish line because there were a bunch of others doing the exact same thing.
Makes me think of that film Booksmart, where the main girl who ends up valedictorian after basically living her life like these 21 tryhard kids, discovers that some of the other students in her class that are among the biggest slackers and underachievers, also managed to get into Stanford, Yale or got immediate jobs with Google, without the need to give up their lives entirely to get there.
Like I said earlier, they may all be buddy-buddy for the sake of the story, but there’s no way some of them aren’t harboring some deep seeded hater vibes for their fellow valedictorians, because one or two co-‘s would be understandable and plausible, but 21 is just pure bullshit coddling.
