No seriously, I’m genuinely curious to the marketing behind this cosmetic product. “Illegal Length” mascara? What could possibly be illegal about the length of one’s eyelashes?
Does lengthening eyelashes from 3/16th of an inch to a full 1/8th trigger some carnal rape mechanism in surrounding men, forcing them onto women, giving them a legal reason to sue and cash in?
Does lengthening eye lashes with this stuff make eyelashes long and spiny as a porcupine’s spines, and just as lethal? Where women with this stuff applied can literally peck things to death with their illegally-long eyelashes?
Does putting this stuff on your eyelashes give your eyelashes the ability to light-write racist and anti-Semitic remarks in public places?
Because if neither of these are true, I can’t really fathom how anything could possibly make eyelashes illegal. I get that there is a perceived arousing/sexy appeal to the naughty and forbidden, and “illegal” describes just that, but c’mon, this is for fucking eyelashes. What’s illegal about eyelashes? If this is the precedent being set by companies, and attempting to appeal to the lowest, horniest denominator, I may as well go put the patent on “Super Sexy Doritos,” “Illegal Water,” and “Forbidden Cereal.”
