I don’t hide the fact that I have no love for the wrestler Ryback, because quite frankly I am incapable of seeing him as nothing but a bastardized mish-mash of several other wrestlers from the past. The obvious parallel is the fact that he’s a Goldberg rip, due to the fact that he’s white, bald, jacked up and does nothing but high-impact power moves while displaying very little actual wrestling talent.
He’s also part Rhyno, due to the ring attire that almost looks as if Ryback went to a Rhyno garage sale, bought all of his old ring gear and just had all instances of “Rhyno” airbrushed out and replaced to say “Ryback.” And like Rhyno, Ryback uses nothing but brute strength and power moves.
But last night, Ryback copied else that I felt was inappropriate, and in my distorted reality, crossing the line. I’m not sure what prompted Ryback to even get on the microphone in the first place, as he has the speaking eloquence of Corky from Life Goes On, but he decided to try and blurble out some words to the sheep that somehow cheer his every action. But then he said the words “Enough is enough, and it’s time for a change.” That’s what agitated me, and prompted me to write out my displeasure at this no-talent oaf chewing up television time.
The line he used was usurped from the late Owen Hart, a wrestler that actually had talent. It’s bad enough he copies the gimmick, ring attire, and move sets of other wrestlers, but to start using the lines of a dead wrestler is going too far. And to make matters worse, Ryback then proceeds to declare that “I am that change,” before marching to the ring and ironically doing the same shit he had been doing over the last year.
Ryback fucking blows. Everything about him, I really don’t care for, and it perturbs me that he’s so popular. The fans ultimately control everything; so many of them obviously are as savvy as I am when it comes to the obvious facts that he’s a rip, based on how many people chant “Goldberg” during his matches; yet ironically he is cheered for maniacally and subsequently he remains at the upper-echelon of storylines. I just don’t get it; I’m not sure if it’s done ironically, or if it’s because of the kids who don’t remember Goldberg, but my point remains, Ryback sucks.
Aside from the fact that I dislike the fact that he’s a gigantic imitation, I dislike the way he bobs his head to his own clichéd entrance music. It’s lame the way he yells out words in the middle of his matches like “stupid” while he’s slamming the back of his opponents’ heads onto the mat, or the fact that he has to announce “finish it” when it’s time to well, finish it. He even does run-ins like a retard, by having his music hit when he runs in, completely eliminating the element of surprise of the guys he’s trying to beat on. It’s like the Shield gets away every time, because they know he’s coming when the music hits, so they can triple-powerbomb the guy they’re jumping, and then get the hell out of dodge.
Recently, my agitated analysis of Ryback led me to actually looking at the evolution of his identity, namely the arm bands he wears that has a stylized “R” on it. I got the impression that I had seen that R before, and then it occurred to me that it too, is a rip off of something that already exists, but then it dawned on me that it made appropriate sense, in a way.
It’s the same R from Honda’s Type-R designations. The Integra Type-R, Civic Type-R, Accord Type-R; it’s the same R that all those rice rockets used. Ryback wears the same R on his armband, and it’s the same R that’s now incorporated into his ring attire. I doubt it’s intentional and highly likely just coincidental, but it’s actually very fitting as far as he is concerned.
The Integra Type-R was lauded as this massive performance upgrade compared to the regular iterations of the Integra. Now the Integra in general was a pretty good car. It was billed and created to be a more luxurious, practical and powerful Honda Civic. Often times, Integras had way better features in terms of luxuries and electronic options, it’s performance equipment better, and they were all notably stronger than Civics. They were pretty good cars, and if I could have ever afforded owning one growing up, I really would have pursued one.
But then the Integra Type-R came along, and was marketed as this super sports car that left the regular Integra in the dust in terms of power and performance. Sure enough, the Type-R did have a stronger engine than the regular Integra, but the trick is that the supposed upgrades in performance weren’t necessarily what many consumers had in mind.
When it comes to cars, “performance” is often used to describe the handling of a vehicle. The easiest way to improve the handling of any vehicle is to reduce the weight of it. The Integra Type-R did weigh less than the regular Integra; because behind the name and the engine was essentially a stripped down regular Integra. To reduce weight, the Type-R did not have sound-deadening materials and often times did not have things such as power windows or locks. The ricers that went over the top typically stripped all upholstery from the inside, dropped the spare tire, and removed the backseat outright, all to shave anywhere up to an extra 30 lbs. or so.
But in the end, the Integra Type-R, although stronger and faster than the regular Integra, required impractical, excessive, and over-the-top measures to get there, despite the fact that the normal Integra was a perfectly good and perfectly practical machine to begin with in the first place.
In this analogy, Goldberg is the Integra, and Ryback is the Type-R variant that he so appropriately wears on his armband and tights.
But Goldberg in his prime versus Ryback of today? No contest it goes to Goldberg. After getting embarrassed by Steven Regal, Goldberg actually picked up a few moves here and there, and could probably take Ryback down and put him into a submission predicament if it came down to it. Ryback is just garbage. He needs to turn heel, and fast, to make him tolerable for the next year, but until then, he’s trash.
